Funny Quotes
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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Stephen Fry -
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
Erma Bombeck
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.
Steve Martin -
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck -
With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
Murray Walker -
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Richard Feynman -
And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
Murray Walker -
Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
Tom Lehrer
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There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.
Eugene Mirman -
It will be funny in about 10 years.
Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister Motörhead -
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper -
This circuit is interesting because it has inclines and declines. Not just up, but down as well.
Murray Walker -
The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
Erma Bombeck -
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
Masashi Kishimoto
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That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
Murray Walker -
Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
Erma Bombeck -
Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
Seth MacFarlane -
No volleyball play can begin without a serve, and the serve is the only technique that is totally under your control. In other endeavors, you cannot succeed without believing in yourself, and that belief is completely under your control.
Karch Kiraly -
As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.
Murray Walker -
My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have... because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time.
Karen Brown
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Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
Erma Bombeck -
The history of those who shed those other tears, the history of those anonymous millions, is what Terkel wants readers and listeners to come away with. What's it like to be that goofy little soldier, scared stiff, with his bayonet aimed at Christ? What's it like to have been a woman in a defense-plant job during World War II? What's it like to be a kid at the front lines? It's all funny and tragic at the same time.
Studs Terkel -
I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.
Will Ferrell -
Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
Murray Walker