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Wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes 'Jesus - I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's too much.'
Kurt Vonnegut -
Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic.
Kurt Vonnegut
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Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.
Kurt Vonnegut -
All the things you are are going to be sued and sued successfully. And, while the litigants may not be able to get blood from turnips, they can certainly ruin the turnips in the process of trying.
Kurt Vonnegut -
Anita had the mechanics of marriage down pat, even to the subtlest conventions. If her approach was disturbingly rational, systematic, she was thorough enough to turn out a credible counterfeit of warmth.
Kurt Vonnegut -
The controls were anything but a hunch-player’s delight in a Universe composed of one-trillionth part matter to one decillion parts black velvet futility.
Kurt Vonnegut -
I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a very poor scheme for survival.
Kurt Vonnegut -
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
Kurt Vonnegut
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My theory is that all women have hydrofluoric acid bottled up inside.
Kurt Vonnegut -
The sermon was based on what he claimed was a well-known fact, that there were no Atheists in foxholes. I asked Jack what he thought of the sermon afterwards, and he said, 'There's a Chaplain who never visited the front.'
Kurt Vonnegut -
Hi Ho
Kurt Vonnegut -
So let’s give another big tax cut to the super-rich. That’ll teach bin Laden a lesson he won’t soon forget.
Kurt Vonnegut -
Nothing in this book is true.
Kurt Vonnegut -
I asked Rob Roy where he had gone to college.'Yale,' he said.I told him what Helen Dole said about Yale, that it ought to be called 'Plantation Owners' Tech.''I don't get it,' he said.'I had to ask her to explain it myself,' I said. 'She said Yale was where plantation owners learned how to get the natives to kill each other instead of them.'
Kurt Vonnegut
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'We're having a celebration, so all sorts of things have been said which are not true,' I said. 'That's how to act at a party.'
Kurt Vonnegut -
Oh, sure, we have another world war coming, and another great depression, but where are the leaders this time?
Kurt Vonnegut -
When the excrement hit the air conditioner (Recurring phrase throughout many chapters)
Kurt Vonnegut -
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers - joined in the serious business of keeping our food, shelter, clothing and loved ones from combining with oxygen.
Kurt Vonnegut -
We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.
Kurt Vonnegut -
All writers are going to have to learn more about science, because it's such an interesting part of their environment.
Kurt Vonnegut
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I do feel that evolution is being controlled by some sort of divine engineer. I can't help thinking that. And this engineer knows exactly what he or she is doing and why, and where evolution is headed. That’s why we’ve got giraffes and hippopotami and the clap.
Kurt Vonnegut -
If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington DC.
Kurt Vonnegut -
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Kurt Vonnegut -
We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.
Kurt Vonnegut