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The double bind lowers its boom on women in positions of authority, so those who haven't yet risen to such positions have not yet felt its full weight.
Deborah Tannen -
New Yorkers seem to think the best thing two people can do is talk.
Deborah Tannen
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It is easy to understand why conflict is so often highlighted: Writers of headlines or promotional copy want to catch attention and attract an audience. They are usually under time pressure, which lures them to established, conventionalized ways of expressing ideas in the absence of leisure to think up entirely new ones.
Deborah Tannen -
For women, detailed conversation is our lifeblood, while for men it's just not as critical.
Deborah Tannen -
Conversations with sisters can spark extremes of anger or extremes of love. Everything said between sisters carries meaning not only from what was just said but from all the conversations that came before - and 'before' can span a lifetime. The layers of meaning combine profound connection with equally profound competition.
Deborah Tannen -
While the requirements of a good leader and a good man are similar, the requirements of a good leader and a good woman are mutually exclusive. A good leader must be tough, but a good woman must not be. A good woman must be self-deprecating, but a good leader must not be.
Deborah Tannen -
I've long believed that if you understand how conversational styles work, you can make adjustments in conversations to get what you want in your relationships.
Deborah Tannen -
I think it is important to remember that there are so many different ways to be sisters.
Deborah Tannen
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There is probably no such thing as a level playing field in political campaigns.
Deborah Tannen -
I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do.
Deborah Tannen -
I grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y. For part of my life, I was living in Detroit, and I remember a friend of mine commenting she could always tell when I had been speaking to my mother because my New York accent had come back.
Deborah Tannen -
If you talk to your friends the way your parents talk, they will think you are stiff and odd.
Deborah Tannen -
The culture of critique undermines the spirit not only of people in public roles but of those who read about them, afraid to believe in anyone or anything because the next story... will tell them why they shouldn't.
Deborah Tannen -
There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that impact.
Deborah Tannen
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The death of compromise has become a threat to our nation as we confront crucial issues such as the debt ceiling and that most basic of legislative responsibilities: a federal budget. At stake is the very meaning of what had once seemed unshakable: 'the full faith and credit' of the U.S. government.
Deborah Tannen -
Everything you say in a family carries meaning from all that was said before. So with friends, there is less likelihood of a few words triggering associations from childhood, where our deepest emotions often are rooted.
Deborah Tannen -
In this world, conversations are negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus. They try to protect themselves from others' attempts to push them away.
Deborah Tannen -
There's the bond of a connection and the bond of bondage... When you are connected to somebody, everything each one does affects the other, and it's a kind of bondage. You're not as free as you would be if that person wasn't in your life.
Deborah Tannen -
My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail.
Deborah Tannen -
When did the word 'compromise' get compromised? When did the negative connotations of 'He was caught in a compromising position' or 'She compromised her ethics' replace the positive connotations of 'They reached a compromise'?
Deborah Tannen
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I would say 'woman' used to be a noun, and now it is a noun and also an adjective. And words change their functions in that way. It's one of the most common phenomena about words. They start as one thing, and they end up as something else.
Deborah Tannen -
When daughters react with annoyance or even anger at the smallest, seemingly innocent remarks, mothers get the feeling that talking to their daughters can be like walking on eggshells: they have to watch every word.
Deborah Tannen -
Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women's styles of friendship and conversation aren't inherently better than men's, simply different.
Deborah Tannen -
It's an interesting point about sisters not getting the same attention as parents and children, and even brothers. I suspect it's just because women didn't count that much and weren't the ones writing the accounts.
Deborah Tannen