Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.
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My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
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People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.
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I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
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People always say: 'You're a comedian, tell us a joke.' They don't say: 'You're an MP, tell us a lie.'
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I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
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The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
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When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?
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I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
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I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
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I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
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I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
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Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
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Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap
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I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.
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No one watched it, not even the cameramen