Jasper Carrott Quotes
When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence.

Quotes to Explore
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The sole ultimate factor in human decisions is physical force. This we must learn, however repugnant the idea may seem, if we are to protect ourselves and our institutions. Reliance on anything else is fallacious and ruinous.
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During the fall and winter we built Fort Meade and the town of Sturgis.
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I always carry lip balm and lipstick. Lipstick is a very important beauty product because I find that lips are the most beautiful feature of anyone's face.
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The new technologies that we see coming will have major benefits that will greatly alleviate human suffering.
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I don't want to say anything because I know I am unable to protect you from the harm that I see.
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I've often said that there's no one thing that I do or have done that is particularly unique. There have been a lot of other authors who were in the military. There have been a few others who were pilots. There have certainly been a lot of other people who were in politics or served congressional staffs.
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The older I get, the more I realize the importance of maintaining an even temperament - not getting too emotional, focusing on the task at hand. You don't want to make a business deal based on your emotions.
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Once a Cubs fan, always a Cubs fan.
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I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.'
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Initially, it would bother me when filmmakers, script writers, dialogue writers and choreographers tried to recreate a bit of my dad though me.
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Botox not only helps with wrinkles, it actually makes you feel more relaxed as frowning causes tension.
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Crankiness is a human attribute that, when people walk in the door of Xerox, they remain human. The best way to get the best out of people is to not force them to be something other than they naturally are. Now what do they have to be? They have to be respectful. You can't be ridiculously disrespectful.
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The thing about being an actor is that every new job is a new challenge. Sometimes you'll have a shot, and it doesn't work. Sometimes it'll work better than you expected.
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With relationships, I've been through a lot of different situations with different people, and I write about it.
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Some writers are so enthralled by ideas (one thinks of Doris Lessing) that their characters become debaters, and their fables approach allegory.
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Most of the most important experiences that truly educate cannot be arranged ahead of time with any precision.
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I don't think you'll ever get enough picking.
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'The Shining,' 'A Nightmare on Elm Street,' 'Halloween.' Those are the greats.
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I have a lot of admiration for people who've been in relationships a long time, married for years.
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The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it's good-bye to the Bill of Rights.
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Every child saved with my help and the help of all the wonderful secret messengers, who today are no longer living, is the justification of my existence on this earth, and not a title to glory.
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When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but this insults my intelligence.