Jim Gaffigan Quotes
As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.

Quotes to Explore
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Kids are always going to be around people who break world records and that. It's how you deal with that. I never let it get in the way of my race, but I am always more than happy after the race to sign autographs and have photos.
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I think my message goes out to the entire spectrum of political parties. I'm supported by the Tea Party, the Conservative Party and the Republican Party. I come from a Democratic world. My world is moderate Democrats, Reagan-type Democrats if you want, the blues or whatever you call them, the Blue Dogs. That's been my world, historically.
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You won't really get a lot of the mainstream, lovey-dovey side because that wasn't a part of my life in the beginning.
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Some borrowers are pretty damn good at fraud.
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Men look like pandas when they try and put make-up on.
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Yeah, I'd like to get the girl and at least make it through the film.
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I learn something not because I have to, but because I really want to. That's the same view I have for performing. I'm performing because I really want to, not because I have to bring bread back home.
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When I was a child - in wartime, pre-television - books were my life.
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There are so many figures in our history that did not believe they could make a change, and they did.
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You can tell a lot about a person just by watching their facial expressions. But there are times when it's best to hide your feelings, especially at work.
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My Smiths, my Carters, the Cashes - everybody embraced me and held my arms up when I couldn't do it myself.
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I like to be busy. It's not always easy because the schedule gets busy; especially, the more successful you are, the more demands you have. But it's definitely worth the sacrifice.
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I want to see as many movies as I can and I covet a lot of weird influential movies.
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Just blow in it and sound bad for about a year and then make it sound a little bit better, and you get a little band together, and then you get a few jobs. You take four guys that sound half bad, but if they're 25 percent each, they can give 100 percent, you know?
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India has large proven reserves of gas that remain unexploited.
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The reaction that I got from 'Diamonds' I would have expected to get from 'House of the Rising Sun' or one of the other songs.
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It's definitely a necessity to make split-second decisions when you're doing gymnastics because things don't always go perfect.
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That is the meaning of the Trump brand - being the boss who is so rich and so powerful he can do whatever he wants. So the way in which he ran for president was to embody that idea as fully as he possibly could with his outrageousness.
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The value of the goal lies in the goal itself; and therefore the goal cannot be attained unless it is pursued for its own sake.
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Ever since I felt the baby kick, it's such an amazing feeling, and it's really allowed me to embrace it. Once you feel this movement inside, it's just a whole different experience, so I love it now. It was tough at the beginning, but I'm past all that, and I love it now.
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Of course, the American education system is very inefficient in many ways compared to other countries in Europe or Japan, but it works in such a way that at least the few people who are going onto unusual careers and science can manage to get into that, even though they go through an earlier stage that doesn't give them much.
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Building a little bonfire at night on the beach and lying on a blanket with my wife under the stars is not only sexy, it's romantic.
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When I first came to New York I was a dancer, and a French record label offered me a recording contract and I had to go to Paris to do it. So I went there and that's how I really got into the music business. But I didn't like what I was doing when I got there, so I left, and I never did a record there.
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As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.