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Nothing had changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I dream about people who don't need to have sex to know they love each other.
Carol Rifka Brunt
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I felt like I had proof that not all days are the same length, not all time has the same weight. Proof that there are worlds and worlds and worlds on top of worlds, if you want them to be there.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I thought of all the different kinds of love in the world. I could think of ten without even trying. The way parents love their kids, the way you love a puppy or chocolate ice cream or home or your favorite book or your sister. Or your uncle. There's those kinds of love and then there's the other kind. The falling kind.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I know all about love that's too big to stay in a tiny bucket. Splashing out all over the place in the most embarrassing way possible.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
It seemed like life was a sort of narrowing tunnel Right when you were born, the tunnel was huge. You could be anything,. Then, like, the absolute second after you were born, the tunnel narrowed down to about half that size....I figured on the day you died, the tunnel would be so narrow, you'd have squeezed yourself in with so many choices, that you just got squashed.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I only need one good friend to see me through. Most people aren't like that. Most people are always looking out for more people to know.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
You can build a whole world around the tiniest of touches.
Carol Rifka Brunt
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Every new party, every new bunch of people, and I start thinking that maybe this is my chance.That I'm going to be normal this time. A new leaf. A fresh start. But then I find myself at the party, thinking, Oh, yeah. This again.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
That's what being shy feels like. Like my skin is too thin, the light too bright. Like the best place I could possibly be is in a tunnel far under the cool, dark earth. Someone asks me a question and I stare at them, empty-faced, my brain jammed up with how hard I'm trying to find something interesting to say. And in the end, all I can do is nod or shrug, because the light of their eyes looking at me, waiting for me, is just too much to take. And then it's over and there's one more person in the world who thinks I'm a complete and total waste of space.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I stared out the window the whole way, because it was raining, which is how I like the city best. It looks like it's been polished up. All the streets shine and lights from everywhere reflect off the black. It's like the whole place has been dipped in sugar syrup. Like the city is some kind of big candy apple.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
Maybe you had to be dying to finally get to do what you wanted.I fidgeted around with the puzzle pieces for a while longer, but I wasn't lucky. Nothing seemed to fit without a whole lot of work.Then I had this thought: What if it was enough to realize that you would die someday, that none of this would go on forever? Would that be enough?
Carol Rifka Brunt -
You get into habits. Ways of being with certain people.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
Sometimes it feels good to take the long way home.
Carol Rifka Brunt
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After a snowstorm is the best time to be in the woods, because all the empty beer and soda cans and candy wrappers disappear, and you don't have to try as hard to be in another time. Plus there's just something beautiful about walking on snow that nobody else has walked on.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
There's just something beautiful about walking on snow that nobody else has walked on. It makes you believe you're special.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I knew the way lost hopes could be dangerous, how they could turn a person into someone they never thought they'd be.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I was in a place where nobody knew my heart even a little bit.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
Going into the woods alone is the best way to pretend you're in another time. It's a thing you can only do alone. If there's somebody else with you, it's too easy to remember where you really are.
Carol Rifka Brunt
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You could try to believe what you wanted, but it never worked. Your brain and your heart decided what you were going to believe and that was that. Whether you liked it or not.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
The kinds of things I want don't cost money.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
I stared hard, trying to find a pattern. Thinking if I kept looking hard enough, maybe the pieces of the world would fit back together into something I could understand.
Carol Rifka Brunt -
Watching people is a good hobby, but you have to be careful about it. You can’t let people catch you staring at them. If people catch you, they treat you like a first-class criminal. And maybe they’re right to do that. Maybe it should be a crime to try to see things about people they don’t want you to see.
Carol Rifka Brunt