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I don't want to come off like the jealous brother who wasn't getting the attention, but it was like no one was really into me anyway. I wasn't really a priority.
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If I have a problem, stuff's going through my head, I feel like using, I usually go and talk to my dad... I decided to get sober a lot younger than he did. He first tried to get sober when he was like 32, I believe.
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It never crossed my mind that one day I'm gonna be big and famous and have my own TV show, you know?
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As long as I know my head's in the right place, my feet are on the ground, I think I'll be fine.
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The strange thing is, no matter what, when you become some kind of public figure, you have your go-to answers for all scenarios and instances.
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I'd read things, like people criticizing me. But no one likes to read stuff about that, and probably the main thing that was getting to me was me mum's illness.
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Well, all I can say is, it's a day-by-day program, and so I'm very worried about relapsing, but I don't know. I don't want to use. I don't want to go back to that place because nothing good came of it. It was super dark; it's not nice.
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I was hanging out with no one under 21. I thought that if I really wanted to fit in I had to... show them that I was in a way just as adult as they were, 'cause I could hold my own just as well as they could, if not better.
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I didn't get at first put into a rehab facility; I got put in a adolescent psychiatric unit for my detox.
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There's a lot of things that were going on. I'd run out of OxyContin, I was doing a lot of Dilaudid. Dilaudid is like a millimeter down from OxyContin. I was doing a lot of those, and life just got super stressful for me.
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I had smoked pot and drank every day for two years. I was taking Vicodin by the handful. Valium, Xanax, Dilaudid, Lorcet, Lortab, Perocet, you name it. It's so easy. It's L.A., you know? You just get it from people.
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I've been drinking and using since I was 13.
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'Adapt and overcome' is my new motto.
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I had my group of friends, you know, like my real group of friends, and then I had, like, party friends.
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I'm the kind of person that, if someone says, 'Oh yeah, you can't do that,' I want to then go do it.
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It's been real weird. It wasn't how I expected my life to turn out. Especially, mainly pertaining to the show. It never crossed my mind that one day I'm gonna be big and famous and have my own TV show, you know?
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There's people outside our house; you get followed by photographers; you can't go out and have a cup of coffee with a friend without someone coming up to you.
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You can't take good health for granted.
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When I got diagnosed, the more research I did about it – MS overall, as a subject, as a disease – there's a lot of misconceptions and there's a lot of unknowns about it, and there wasn't anyone out that was close to my age or close to anything like me out there.
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But you know, my mom having to go to the hospital seven times... like passed out because of pain... I wouldn't come home and sit with my family and be with my dad - I'd call someone up and... I'd go and get obliterated drunk and I'd go, like, on two-week benders.
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I had about four days of like, 'Pity party, woe is me, it's all over.' Then I did some research and spoke with doctors and got in contact with people who have MS, and I soon realized it's actually a lot more manageable than the kind of public perception of it is, and that's part of the reason why I've been so outspoken about it.
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I'm real clear, you know? There's no fogginess.
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I've been up the coast of St-Barts, playing with spidermonkies, tripping on acid. Changed my whole perspective on shit.
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For a while I was suicidal and I tried to kill myself. I think I should have died about four times.