Patrice O'Neal Quotes
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Men wanna be alone, but we don't wanna be by ourselves.
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Women expect us to like them, but they don't even like each other
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A beautiful 35-year old ain't as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old.
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If you tell me 2 + 2 is 4, and I know it is, then you... shove marbles up your ass, I go 'Damn, Anthony shoves marbles in his ass?' But the fact that you shove marbles in your ass doesn't invalidate 2 + 2 = 4.
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Women don't want to win, they want a winner.
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Who has connections to Connecticut? That's where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.
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I'm a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don't know servings - I only know how to make a lot.
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I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it's a Durango and I like frontin'! I like to ride by and show off.
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Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.
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Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey.
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I generally don't like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing.
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Just making the crowd laugh is not really doing things for me anymore. That's just knowing how to kill; I've learned how to kill – but also learned when a crowd's laughter is meaningful.
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People always say 'Don't you support the troops?' But the troops are an entity that just follows orders. It's not about individuals or people. So when I say 'I don't support the troops', I'm saying I don't support the bankers and politicians who are making them do what they do.
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I've still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.
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The case is I talk for a living, so I should be able to say anything I want to say regardless of how you feel. What we're starting to deal with now is your opinion matters, but to be quite honest, your opinion means nothing.
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This is my question, for life: have we retired the phrase, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me'? Is it legal for me to say, 'I endorse hate speech, I don't give a fuck'? I want hate speech. Why can't I hate you...in speech?
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People say life ain't fairlife is very fair. People aren't fairpeople are terrible.
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I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy.
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I'm a big buffet dude, or I'm a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude.
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I'm really glad my food comes murdered.
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What I'm trying to do is be righteous. And when I say “righteous,” I don't mean God. You know? God- Righteous. I mean just when I wake up, I know I was honest to myself.
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People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job 'cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion.
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I don't go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, 'Uhhh, I'm done' when I eat.
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I need a little bass and I don't even need that crazy bass to break your face. I just want it to sound good when I have my favorite song.