Pat Paulsen Quotes
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Many political experts have told me that nobody will vote for me because America is not ready for such decisive and dynamic leadership. They tell me these things, and I say nay to the negative nincompoops who never nourished the nihilistic nerve to name a novice to nail down the nomination.
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Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
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All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
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I don't need adult supervision.
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
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I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
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Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.
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Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.
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So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
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Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.
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Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'
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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
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Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
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Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?
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I've conducted my campaign thus far in the true American political tradition: I lied about my intention to run ... I have been consistently vague on all the issues ... Therefore I promise you all, my fellow Americans, that I will continue to make promises that I will be unable to fulfill.
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I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.'
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You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
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I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
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If elected, I will win.
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As a keen political observer, I've noticed that most people do not really vote for someone for the Presidency as much as they vote against the other candidate. And I think President Johnston's sic decision was unfair to these people.
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
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A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?