Pat Paulsen Quotes
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Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'
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It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
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All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
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I don't need adult supervision.
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I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
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Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
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Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.
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So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
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Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.
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Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'
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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
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Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
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Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?
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I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.'
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I've conducted my campaign thus far in the true American political tradition: I lied about my intention to run ... I have been consistently vague on all the issues ... Therefore I promise you all, my fellow Americans, that I will continue to make promises that I will be unable to fulfill.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
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I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
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If elected, I will win.
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As a keen political observer, I've noticed that most people do not really vote for someone for the Presidency as much as they vote against the other candidate. And I think President Johnston's sic decision was unfair to these people.
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
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A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?