Alison Bechdel Quotes
-
Clarice: proposing to Toni I'll be your lawyer if you'll be my accountant.
-
Mrs. Pidgeon: That little girl whose mother is in the, um, 'threesome.' Why do you say she's confused about her gender? She seems perfectly normal to me.Sparrow: Mom, she's a boy.Mrs. Pidgeon: Oh. Well then, I'm not quite so worried about that revealing top. I was going to speak to her mother.
-
Raffi: I can too marry Stone Cold Steve Austin when I grow up!Bill: Clarice, what are you teaching this kid?Bill Jr.: You can not, 'cause I'm gonna marry him, and we're gonna kick your butt!
-
Clarice: getting cold feet There's still time!Toni: We can just call everyone and say we're terribly sorry but something came up and we have to leave town!Clarice: ...But what about the five gallons of baba ganoush, and all those tofu pups?Toni: Shit. I forgot. Well, I guess we'll just have to go through with it, then.
-
Lois: Good coffee, huh?Emma: Lois, I think you're a very attractive woman and I'd like to sleep with you.Lois: chokes Gak! Ahem! You don't - coff - fool around, do you?Emma: No, but I'd like to.
-
Bookstore boss: to Mo The self-service kiosks have enabled us to cut down on staff, but some customers still feel the need to speak to an actual human. That's where you come in.Customer: Excuse me, do you carry Jewish New Year cards?Boss: I'm sorry, our New Years cards don't come in till November. But we'll be getting Jewish Christmas cards then, too!
-
Sparrow: Listen, Mo. I have been doing crisis intervention with battered, homeless women and kids all week long. Tonight, I am going to vegetate in front of the TV. If you're so worried about Bosnia, go join the Red Cross.
-
Toni: Well... straight couples get respect when they marry. Maybe we need to make some kind of symbolic affirmation of our commitment to one another!Clarice: You mean...Toni: Yes! Let's open a joint checking account!Clarice: Oh, darling! But this is so sudden!
-
Cynthia: To be honest, I've been rethinking things lately. I mean, I'm still a Christian, but I'm definitely transitioning.Janis: Really? Is your mom letting you do hormones? Mine won't.
-
Mo: Ginger, how can you think about sex at a time like this? Madmen are about to destroy the earth!Ginger: Can you think of a better time? I don't know about you, girl, but I want to have a G-spot orgasm before Armageddon hits.
-
Ginger: Oh, jeez. Well, uh... maybe you should talk to someone.Cynthia: I thought I was.
-
Nurse: Ker... Kru... Crutchoffski, breast conservation? How are we feeling?Sydney: A bit like an endangered wetland.
-
Raffi: Well, um, Taylor said only girls wear nail polish and so I, so I said but I'm a boy and I'm wearing nail polish, and so you're wrong!Clarice: Raffi, I'm proud of you! That was a very smart thing to say!Raffi: And then I kicked him.
-
Miriam: Look, don't fixate on the due date. It's just an approximation. Only 5 percent of babies actually arrive on it. Most come later, in fact.Clarice: Great! How much later? Two days? Three?Miriam: Let me give you a friendly tip, Clarice. Don't get too hung up on keeping a tight schedule for the next, say, eighteen years or so.
-
Ginger: I can't do this, Lois! I can't go out with a woman who has a child! I'm too young, I tell you! I haven't sown my oats yet!Lois: I think your oats are impacted.
-
Ginger: Get off it, Mo. If I can't ogle, I don't want to be part of your revolution.
-
Sparrow: Oh my God. I'm a trained professional. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner! The mind games... the use of isolation... the accusations about being unfaithful... the obsessive keeping track... preventing the other person from getting a job... Stuart, we're in an abusive relationship with the Bush administration!
-
Clarice: To most people, it's obvious that the Whitewater allegations and the sexual harassment suit are politically motivated. And everyone else is too jaded to care if Bill fucks his cat.Raffi: Fucks!Toni: Do you want the honor of recording that under 'Baby's first word,' or shall I?
-
Raffi: Okay, it's time to make another deposit to my therapy fund.
-
Lois: You're never gonna meet anyone hanging around here with the tactical nuclear family.
-
Harriet: making an excuse Um... I'm looking for a copy of The Wheat-Free Guide to Creative Visualization in Co-dependent Past-Life Relationships.Mo: Huh. Jeez, I never heard of that one... Wonder if it's in spirituality or cooking.
-
Ginger: hauling Clarice up stairs in a wheelchair: This ivory tower needs some ramps!Clarice: What are you saying, Ginger?! Build ramps and anyone could get up!! The whole school would be overrun by black commie dykes in wheelchairs! Really, now!
-
Mo: Thank you, Jillian, for that fascinating, uh, transsexual version of the Oedipus legend, 'Oedipal Complex.'
-
Anjali: Oh, wow. I am tripping out that I actually get to work here! Being constantly surrounded by books! Bringing ideas, poems, and manifestoes to the world! How can you stand it?!Jezanna: That reminds me, Lois. The lube shipment just came in.