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I really try to have fun. If I don't have fun, you won't have fun. That's what my gift is: to relieve people from a little of the pain and comfort in their lives by allowing my comedy to distract them. A good laugh is almost as good as any doctor visit.
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All great comedians make me laugh, but people make me laugh more.
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Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.
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I can't stay long; I'm in between meals.
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I have about 1,000 hours of myself on tape in a vault in Los Angeles. But I also have a photographic memory about my jokes, because they're really about me; they're my stories.