John Kerry Quotes

• During the Democratic presidential debate Howard Dean started off by apologizing to the crowd for having a cold. Then John Kerry apologized for once having a cold while serving his country in Vietnam.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Country
  • Cold
  • Presidential

• During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Up
  • May
  • Together

• Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Today
  • Small
  • Nation

• John Kerry, windsurfing dilettante.

  

  Eleanor Clift
  • John Kerry
  • Windsurfing
  • Dilettante

• Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came for to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front-runner John Kerry. The woman added, 'I would never cheat on Bill Clinton.'

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • She
  • Ugly
  • Presidential

• John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Trying
  • Money
  • Today

• 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Story
  • John Kerry
  • Shrek

• The head of the AFL-CIO endorsed John Kerry, saying, 'The time has come to come behind one man, one leader, one candidate.' Then he said, 'And until we find that man, we will endorse John Kerry.'

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Time
  • Leader
  • Candidate

• Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • People
  • Stop
  • Senator