Bernard Manning Quotes

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

Bernard Manning

• Sleep
• Walk
• Swim

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Bernard Manning

• Kids
• Christmas

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

Bernard Manning

• Men
• Women
• Bisexual

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

Bernard Manning

• Time
• Mind
• Driving

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

Bernard Manning

• She
• Mother
• Law

You are what you eat.....I've eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn't believe.

Bernard Manning

• Believe
• Cunts

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

Bernard Manning

• People
• Age
• Fool

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

Bernard Manning

• Funny
• Uncyclopedia

If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

Bernard Manning

• Drink
• Sober