Funny Quotes
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
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Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That's an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You don't want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you'd rather have a discussion that was a discussion, rather than an argument.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
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Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
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Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
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It was Toto that made Dorothy laugh, and saved her from growing as gray as her other surroundings. Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose.
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Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
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Who doesn't love a funny girl who can look sexy at the same time?
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Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
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If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity.
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The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I took dance from a very early age, although my first recital, I remember refusing to go onstage. I think I was three. It's funny because that stage was also my high school theater stage.
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My mom is super fabulous, and I remember her telling me at 13, 'You can start wearing makeup now.' And the funny thing is, I didn't take her up on it!
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I was scrolling through my Twitter feed one day, and somebody had tweeted me a picture of Justin Bieber that had been Photoshopped with makeup or something. And I thought it was funny and so I hit retweet - I just retweeted a tweet - and all of a sudden, the remarks were coming in.
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People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.
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Farewell, fair cruelty.
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I have a weak stomach. My wife is a doctor, so she finds it funny that I actually pass out when I get my blood drawn. I physically can't stand gore on screen. I can't stand blood and guts. Not for any puritanical/moral high-ground reason. I just don't want to black out.
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I'm not on all the time. I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.
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If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain.
