Funny Quotes
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I can go right, I can go left, I'm amphibious.
Charles Shackleford
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Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
Erma Bombeck
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It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.
Stephen Fry
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With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
Murray Walker
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It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Steve Martin
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck
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As long as the wrong feels right - it's like I'm in flight.
Marshall Bruce Mathers III
Bad Meets Evil'
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Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
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Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
Jerry Coleman
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has been called." ... That's what they say - but somehow, by the time it comes out of the speaker, it sounds like, "Everybody up and rush the door! Everybody up and try to squeeze your big fat butts in the small gate door area! Immediately! ... Do whatever you have to do to get on board. This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam!"
Brian Regan
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If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
Eve Arden
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When we shot that Westworld, it was so funny. Not funny - I mean, like, funny-strange because I, personally as an actress and as a person, am so used to having to play the damsel, that when we were shooting that scene, and Jimmi looked at me and said, "Dolores, run," I ran. Then I stopped myself, and I turned around and I went, "Oh my God. I'm so used to running."
Evan Rachel Wood
