Funny Quotes
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You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.
Jerry Coleman
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It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Steve Martin
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck
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If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?
Chic Murray
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As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is - as long as it is not you that is going through it - it can be funny.
Ben Miller
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She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
Masashi Kishimoto
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And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
Murray Walker
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Steve Martin
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When we shot that Westworld, it was so funny. Not funny - I mean, like, funny-strange because I, personally as an actress and as a person, am so used to having to play the damsel, that when we were shooting that scene, and Jimmi looked at me and said, "Dolores, run," I ran. Then I stopped myself, and I turned around and I went, "Oh my God. I'm so used to running."
Evan Rachel Wood
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Next to music beer was best.
Carson McCullers
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As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.
Murray Walker
