Funny Quotes
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It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.
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Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
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Next to music beer was best.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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When you start out, it sometimes feels like you're fighting audiences every night just to prove that you're funny.
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I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
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With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
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At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
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I can go right, I can go left, I'm amphibious.
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has been called." ... That's what they say - but somehow, by the time it comes out of the speaker, it sounds like, "Everybody up and rush the door! Everybody up and try to squeeze your big fat butts in the small gate door area! Immediately! ... Do whatever you have to do to get on board. This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam!"
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When we shot that Westworld, it was so funny. Not funny - I mean, like, funny-strange because I, personally as an actress and as a person, am so used to having to play the damsel, that when we were shooting that scene, and Jimmi looked at me and said, "Dolores, run," I ran. Then I stopped myself, and I turned around and I went, "Oh my God. I'm so used to running."
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If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
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I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny.
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I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself.
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If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have... because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time.
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You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.
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As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.
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I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.
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The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
