Funny Quotes
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She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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It's funny how the present can change the past.
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It's funny: most people who recognize me on the subway and stuff - it's much more they think of me as a funny guy. I get much more of people telling me how much I make them laugh, actually. Which is nice.
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I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"
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That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be great.
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
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The history of those who shed those other tears, the history of those anonymous millions, is what Terkel wants readers and listeners to come away with. What's it like to be that goofy little soldier, scared stiff, with his bayonet aimed at Christ? What's it like to have been a woman in a defense-plant job during World War II? What's it like to be a kid at the front lines? It's all funny and tragic at the same time.
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
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I can be educational, but if I'm not funny and entertaining, too, who's going to come and listen to me or watch me on TV.
