Funny Quotes
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My mom's passionate and energetic and very funny and enthusiastic.
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The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach.
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The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.
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You think you're funny? I think I'm adorable.
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With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
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One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared.
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No volleyball play can begin without a serve, and the serve is the only technique that is totally under your control. In other endeavors, you cannot succeed without believing in yourself, and that belief is completely under your control.
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I can be educational, but if I'm not funny and entertaining, too, who's going to come and listen to me or watch me on TV.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
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Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
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I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
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It's pretty funny when we go out to countries where the drinking age is 13 or 14, and we all go to bars and order and drink some stuff. Our parents will go, 'Hey!' And we go, 'We are legal to drink here!'
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Next to music beer was best.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
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The history of those who shed those other tears, the history of those anonymous millions, is what Terkel wants readers and listeners to come away with. What's it like to be that goofy little soldier, scared stiff, with his bayonet aimed at Christ? What's it like to have been a woman in a defense-plant job during World War II? What's it like to be a kid at the front lines? It's all funny and tragic at the same time.
