Funny Quotes
-
The funny thing is that the fashions from the '90s seem to sit so well with the fashions of 2016. Everything from then somehow skipped and came back.
-
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
-
Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
-
I was always funny, but I didn't know being funny was a gift.
-
So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
-
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
-
There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
-
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
-
It's funny: most people who recognize me on the subway and stuff - it's much more they think of me as a funny guy. I get much more of people telling me how much I make them laugh, actually. Which is nice.
-
Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
-
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
-
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
-
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is - as long as it is not you that is going through it - it can be funny.
-
Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
-
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
-
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
-
Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.
-
I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices.
-
It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
-
That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
-
That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
-
I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
-
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
-
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
