Funny Quotes
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Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.
Helen Gurley Brown -
If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
Eve Arden
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
Steve Martin -
I think it's harder to go from comedy to drama than from drama to comedy. Seeing you dramatic all the time, they crave to see you being silly or funny. But, seeing you in comedy all the time, it's hard to see that person go be serious, for some reason.
Evan Peters -
I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.
Jerry Coleman -
There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.
Nick Thune -
I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
Chic Murray -
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Erma Bombeck
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
Erma Bombeck -
It's so funny whenever things come full circle.
Swoosie Kurtz -
Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
Erma Bombeck -
If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
Casey Affleck -
As long as the wrong feels right - it's like I'm in flight.
Marshall Bruce Mathers III Bad Meets Evil' -
I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny.
Mila Kunis
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper -
It's funny: most people who recognize me on the subway and stuff - it's much more they think of me as a funny guy. I get much more of people telling me how much I make them laugh, actually. Which is nice.
Paul Giamatti -
At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.
Michel Gondry -
I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.
Chic Murray -
I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
Tommy Cooper -
And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
Jerry Coleman
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And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
Murray Walker -
The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.
Mo Williams -
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
Erma Bombeck -
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
Steve Martin