Funny Quotes
-
You think you're funny? I think I'm adorable.
-
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has been called." ... That's what they say - but somehow, by the time it comes out of the speaker, it sounds like, "Everybody up and rush the door! Everybody up and try to squeeze your big fat butts in the small gate door area! Immediately! ... Do whatever you have to do to get on board. This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam!"
-
Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
-
Don't repeat the lies of the liars.
-
It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
-
And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
-
My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
-
It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
-
It's easy to be negatively funny about personalities in the media. It's just kind of a cheap laugh.
-
Private Perkins is a funny little codger.
-
At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.
-
When you start out, it sometimes feels like you're fighting audiences every night just to prove that you're funny.
-
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-
That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
-
My mom's passionate and energetic and very funny and enthusiastic.
-
So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
-
She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
-
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
-
These walls are funny. First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
-
If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
-
I am who I am and I say what I think. I'm not putting a face on for the record.
-
If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
-
Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
-
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
