Funny Quotes
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
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It's easy to be negatively funny about personalities in the media. It's just kind of a cheap laugh.
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All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
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I am who I am and I say what I think. I'm not putting a face on for the record.
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Private Perkins is a funny little codger.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
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If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
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You couldn't hope to make a drama and have people rewriting on the day and having the actors making suggestions, "Wouldn't it be funny if my character did this?" "No. You're the actor. I'll tell you what to do."
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There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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Football's football, if that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game that it is
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The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.
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As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be great.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
