Funny Quotes
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It's funny how the present can change the past.
Andrew Sean Greer
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And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
Murray Walker
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That old question about whether, as a woman, you can be funny and attractive at the same time. Argh! I hate that question. Of course you can.
Emma Stone
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If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.
Seth MacFarlane
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Looking back on the event, I find myself thinking there are three approaches to journalism represented here. One is the "cool" approach of traditional journalism, including network broadcasting in which NPR is no exception. One is the "hot" approach of talk radio, which has since expanded to TV sports networks and now Fox TV. The third is the engaged approach of weblogging.
David "Doc" Searls
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
Richard Lewis
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You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Jim Gaffigan
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Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.
Michael Caine
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Erma Bombeck
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You couldn't hope to make a drama and have people rewriting on the day and having the actors making suggestions, "Wouldn't it be funny if my character did this?" "No. You're the actor. I'll tell you what to do."
Declan Lowney
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
Erma Bombeck
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
Casey Affleck
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
Jerry Coleman
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This circuit is interesting because it has inclines and declines. Not just up, but down as well.
Murray Walker
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
Erma Bombeck
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I think sex is overrated. I don't have sex appeal and I know it. As a matter of fact, I think I'm rather funny looking. My teeth are funny, for one thing, and I have none of the attributes usually required for a movie queen, including the shapeliness.
Audrey Hepburn
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As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be great.
John Anthony Frusciante Ataxia
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And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
Murray Walker
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And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race.
Murray Walker
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She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
Celia Rivenbark
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
Jerry Coleman
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The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate.
Emma Stone
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
Jerry Coleman
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Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
Erma Bombeck