Funny Quotes
-
I am who I am and I say what I think. I'm not putting a face on for the record.
Marshall Bruce Mathers III Bad Meets Evil' -
You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
Jerry Coleman
-
Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
Jerry Coleman -
If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.
Erma Bombeck -
Cause see they call me a menace; and if the shoe fits I'll wear it.
Marshall Bruce Mathers III Bad Meets Evil' -
It's a bit embarrassing watching myself, but I couldn't get someone else to play me, that would've been stupid.
Sean Lennon -
People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
Eugene Mirman -
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
-
People are just funny sometimes if you find the right character.
Natalie Portman -
We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work, although, there has been in these days, some interest in this kind of thing.
Richard Feynman -
And when funny things happen, you just have to go along, don't you? Because they might never happen again and you'll have missed the joke of it, missed the fun, and then when you're old and your kittens ask you what you did when the world had its glad rags on, you won't have nothing to say, will you?
Catherynne M. Valente -
She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
Celia Rivenbark -
She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
Sarah Silverman -
Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always be humble.
Carlson Gracie
-
One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared.
Merlin Olsen -
I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny
Nora Dunn -
The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
Jerry Coleman -
These walls are funny. First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
Morgan Freeman -
All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
Jerry Coleman -
My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
Chic Murray
-
All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
Erma Bombeck -
That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
Jerry Coleman -
It’s funny how one summer can change everything.
Sarah Dessen -
I knew exactly what to do on Alien, it was funny.
Ridley Scott