Funny Quotes
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Don't repeat the lies of the liars.
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And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race.
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You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, "Hey, how's that book?" "I haven't read it." "Oh, did you just buy it?" "I've had it since high school." "Well, can I borrow it?" "No."
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
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That old question about whether, as a woman, you can be funny and attractive at the same time. Argh! I hate that question. Of course you can.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.
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It's funny how the present can change the past.
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I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?
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I am who I am and I say what I think. I'm not putting a face on for the record.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
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To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Private Perkins is a funny little codger.
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Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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I think that because I struggled and did get very bullied, that definitely made me learn how to be funny and let things roll off and be able to laugh, and I think that has definitely helped me when it comes to being in the public eye with 'Gay of Thrones' and 'Queer Eye.'
