Funny Quotes
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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As a model, we come in the room, and we are casted just on our looks. I think I'm funny; I think I'm clever. But in the end, they're picking me for my cheekbones or if I'm tall enough.
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It's so funny whenever things come full circle.
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My mom's passionate and energetic and very funny and enthusiastic.
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We told each other every funny story we could think of. One of them stays in my mind. A German citizen wants to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself, but the rope is of such a poor quality that it breaks. He tries to drown himself, but the percentage of wood in the fabric of his pants is so high that he floats on the surface like a raft. Finally he starves to death from eating official government rations.
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Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.
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I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate.
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
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Nobody cared about swimming. You could draw a crowd for basketball.
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McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
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If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.
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A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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He many not be hurt as much as he really is.
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There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.
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These walls are funny. First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
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That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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Football's football, if that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game that it is
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
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One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared.
