Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.
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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.
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I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
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You want the actors to disappear into roles and stay under the radar, and that gets harder when someone is known for their actual personality, or who they seem to be.
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Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
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I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.
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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
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As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. I covered it with being funny and tough, but it's hard to be tough when you're making your cot in your bunk over soaking wet sheets and acting like nobody can smell anything.
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Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
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I can only speak from my own experience, and I would say that the depression I experienced feels like a chemical change. When it came over me, when it comes over me, it feels like it's coming over me like a flu.
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Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.
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I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
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I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.
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It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
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Like I said about Seinfeld and Chris Rock, they're a great combination of brilliance and hard work. But there are people who are brilliant and don't work hard, and there are people who are brilliant and sabotage themselves.
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I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.
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I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!
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One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."
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That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
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In the '80s especially, a lot of comedians felt compelled to stick with what made them famous and those people became caricatures.
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We live in a fun time with so many ways to express yourself, you would be crazy to be a comedian and not check them all out.
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I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."
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I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.
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The sun shines directly on this great country, and it can be harvested, it's not owned by anybody. It's something the Jews and the Palestinians share and could work together to make the whole world a better place, not just this Middle East stuff, but the whole world.