Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."
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I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.
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I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.
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This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.
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I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.
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I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
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What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich.
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I'm personally not into a guy who wears pedal pushers and a necklace.
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My dad was a bedwetter; I think his dad was a bedwetter. I like to talk about it because it's something that I thought would be my deepest, darkest secret my whole life, and then you become an adult, and it's not.
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I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
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It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
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Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
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Like I said about Seinfeld and Chris Rock, they're a great combination of brilliance and hard work. But there are people who are brilliant and don't work hard, and there are people who are brilliant and sabotage themselves.
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I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
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I don't really like saying "the gays"... I'm not sure why. I suppose I say "the Jews." but I don't say "the blacks." I guess because I'm a Jew for all intents and purposes and to group people together of which I am not one in such a casual way feels disrespectful.
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I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
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Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
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When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.
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I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.
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I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
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I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honestly, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot.
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I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.
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And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.