Sarah Silverman Quotes
-
Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
-
Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
-
And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
-
I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
-
I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
-
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
-
I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
-
I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.
-
I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
-
Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
-
I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.
-
Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
-
I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
-
I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
-
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
-
In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.
-
I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
-
Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy.
-
Scientology is weird because it's new.
-
I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
-
People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
-
When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
-
I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
-
I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.