Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."
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I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
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It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
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I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.
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And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
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This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.
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When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.
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I'm personally not into a guy who wears pedal pushers and a necklace.
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What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich.
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My dad was a bedwetter; I think his dad was a bedwetter. I like to talk about it because it's something that I thought would be my deepest, darkest secret my whole life, and then you become an adult, and it's not.
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I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
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I don't really like saying "the gays"... I'm not sure why. I suppose I say "the Jews." but I don't say "the blacks." I guess because I'm a Jew for all intents and purposes and to group people together of which I am not one in such a casual way feels disrespectful.
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I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
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Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
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I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
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I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.
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I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.
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Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
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Like I said about Seinfeld and Chris Rock, they're a great combination of brilliance and hard work. But there are people who are brilliant and don't work hard, and there are people who are brilliant and sabotage themselves.
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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honestly, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot.
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I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
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I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.