Sarah Silverman Quotes
-
It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
-
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
-
I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. I mean, I live in a three-room apartment. I mostly make free videos on my couch. But I am fine.
-
It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, "I like your dress," and they'll go "(bleep) you!" Or I say something serious and they go, "Oh, yeah, ha-ha." They're strangers. They're people who know me from comedy, but luckily I am on pretty much all the time!
-
I don't really like saying "the gays"... I'm not sure why. I suppose I say "the Jews." but I don't say "the blacks." I guess because I'm a Jew for all intents and purposes and to group people together of which I am not one in such a casual way feels disrespectful.
-
What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich.
-
This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.
-
I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."
-
I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
-
In the big picture, life has a gap in it. It just does. You don't go crazy trying to fill it.
-
I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
-
I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.
-
Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.
-
I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
-
I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.
-
And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
-
I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.
-
If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
-
As soon as a woman is old enough to have an opinion and have a voice and be unafraid, she's very much encouraged by all sorts of people to crawl under a rock and die. And it's so weird. My crime is not dying.
-
I grew up in a house where there were no taboos, so it came originally from a pretty innocent place, where I was shocked at the things that shocked people.
-
I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.
-
When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
-
Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
-
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.