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I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?
Sarah Silverman -
I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
Sarah Silverman
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I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
Sarah Silverman -
And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
Sarah Silverman -
I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.
Sarah Silverman -
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.
Sarah Silverman -
Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
Sarah Silverman -
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
Sarah Silverman
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People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
Sarah Silverman -
I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
Sarah Silverman -
Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
Sarah Silverman -
I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
Sarah Silverman -
Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength.
Sarah Silverman -
I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.
Sarah Silverman
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Scientology is weird because it's new.
Sarah Silverman -
I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
Sarah Silverman -
Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
Sarah Silverman -
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
Sarah Silverman -
Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy.
Sarah Silverman -
Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
Sarah Silverman -
If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
Sarah Silverman -
The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
Sarah Silverman -
I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
Sarah Silverman