Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.
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People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
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My stepfather, John O'Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn't try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the wood stove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, "What does it feel like?" It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, "I feel homesick." That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
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Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I'm white; I didn't grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I'm a member of the world.
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Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are.
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If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
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I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.
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I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
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If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.
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I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.
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Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
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I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
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I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
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When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.
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I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
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I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
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I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
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Scientology is weird because it's new.
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A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.
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When I was 9 or 10 years old, my dad took me over to a neighboring farm to help get stuff for the meal. The farmer, Vic, told me to look at all the turkeys and pick one out. I saw a cute one with a silly walk and cried, 'Him!' Before my pointing finger had even dropped to my side, Vic had grabbed the turkey by the neck and slit the animal's throat. Blood and feathers went flying. I had sentenced that turkey to death! Up until then, I didn't know where meat came from—and I've been a vegetarian ever since.