Sarah Silverman Quotes
-
I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
-
I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
-
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
-
If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
-
I can see myself adopting. I'm not in a rush to do it. I'm 39, I know, but I do love kids, and I'm very good - I've got a lot of really good moves.
-
I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.
-
I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
-
In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.
-
I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.
-
Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
-
I think that whenever a Jew has any kind of notoriety, good or bad, the Jews find it to be good.
-
Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
-
If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.
-
I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.
-
When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.
-
Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
-
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
-
Scientology is weird because it's new.
-
I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
-
I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.
-
Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are.
-
The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.
-
Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
-
I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.