Sarah Silverman Quotes
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Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are.
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A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.
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The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.
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I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.
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I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.
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Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time.
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Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
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It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.
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I've always kept my overhead low so I could do whatever I want. I think of myself as lazy with spurts of getting a lot done. I find myself rooting against things sometimes because I get excited at the thought of a clean slate.
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I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.
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I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.
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I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.
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Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.
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Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
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People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.
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When you're a comic, it's like being born gay. It's what you want to do every night when your other friends are out at night going to parties.
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Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.
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Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
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I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.
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Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now.
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If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
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You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.