Sarah Silverman Quotes
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Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.
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I do love the idea of ritual.
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Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.
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It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.
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If my Catholic boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that Mommy is one of God's chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
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I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.
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I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world.
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When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since.
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I don't need a lot of space.
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I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.
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She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
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Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.
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I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.
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I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.
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I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love.
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I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.
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I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.
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That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
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I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very dark place. It’s not romantic. Not even a little.
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It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.
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We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.
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They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.