Sarah Silverman Quotes
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Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of "offensive." Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?
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It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.
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When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since.
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I don't need a lot of space.
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I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.
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I just think of myself as a comedian, really.
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She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
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I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.
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You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.
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I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.
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I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.
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I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.
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Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.
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I don't get this shitty attitude that only gays should care about gay issues and only women should care about women's issues.
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I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.
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I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.
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The female nudity in movies is always sexualized.
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We deserve quality lives with equality.
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Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.
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I didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus.
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That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
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They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.