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The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.
Sarah Silverman -
I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.
Sarah Silverman
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When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
Sarah Silverman -
If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
Sarah Silverman -
In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.
Sarah Silverman -
I'm a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I'm ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.
Sarah Silverman -
The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
Sarah Silverman -
I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
Sarah Silverman
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Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
Sarah Silverman -
I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. I mean, I live in a three-room apartment. I mostly make free videos on my couch. But I am fine.
Sarah Silverman -
People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.
Sarah Silverman -
I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
Sarah Silverman -
If I have kids, I'll adopt.
Sarah Silverman -
You can be Hitler and go to confession and say forgive me, Father, I killed six million Jews, and the priest would just be like no problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler goes to heaven.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
Sarah Silverman -
Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.
Sarah Silverman -
If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
Sarah Silverman -
Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.
Sarah Silverman -
A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.
Sarah Silverman -
I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.
Sarah Silverman
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Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Sarah Silverman -
Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up.
Sarah Silverman -
And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
Sarah Silverman -
Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
Sarah Silverman