Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
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In the big picture, life has a gap in it. It just does. You don't go crazy trying to fill it.
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I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
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I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.
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When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
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Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
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People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
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Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I'm white; I didn't grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I'm a member of the world.
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We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.
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I’ve always had dreams. When I was little, I’d go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies.
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Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.
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I grew up in a house where there were no taboos, so it came originally from a pretty innocent place, where I was shocked at the things that shocked people.
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I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not totally paralyzed, and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis - and emotionally and really kind of almost physically.
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As soon as a woman is old enough to have an opinion and have a voice and be unafraid, she's very much encouraged by all sorts of people to crawl under a rock and die. And it's so weird. My crime is not dying.
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I can see myself adopting. I'm not in a rush to do it. I'm 39, I know, but I do love kids, and I'm very good - I've got a lot of really good moves.
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Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.
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The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
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I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
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I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.