Sarah Silverman Quotes
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I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.
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I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
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And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honestly, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot.
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I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
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I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
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I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
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We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.
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I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
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I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
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Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up.
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I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.
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I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
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I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
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If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.
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In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.
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Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
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People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
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My stepfather, John O'Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn't try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the wood stove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, "What does it feel like?" It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, "I feel homesick." That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
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I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
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Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?