Sarah Silverman Quotes
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Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.
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Scientology is weird because it's new.
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I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
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I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.
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As soon as a woman is old enough to have an opinion and have a voice and be unafraid, she's very much encouraged by all sorts of people to crawl under a rock and die. And it's so weird. My crime is not dying.
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Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
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I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
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I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
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Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
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We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.
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I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
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I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.
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I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
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The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.
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You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
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I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. I mean, I live in a three-room apartment. I mostly make free videos on my couch. But I am fine.
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Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength.
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When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.
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My stepfather, John O'Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn't try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the wood stove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, "What does it feel like?" It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, "I feel homesick." That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
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I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not totally paralyzed, and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis - and emotionally and really kind of almost physically.