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I think I've been called edgy - but in all honestly, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot.
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I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."
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I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
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And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.
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I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
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I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
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Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
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Scientology is weird because it's new.
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Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
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Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
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I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
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I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.
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Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.
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My stepfather, John O'Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn't try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the wood stove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, "What does it feel like?" It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, "I feel homesick." That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
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When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
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You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.
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I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not totally paralyzed, and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis - and emotionally and really kind of almost physically.
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I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. I mean, I live in a three-room apartment. I mostly make free videos on my couch. But I am fine.
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I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.