Funny Quotes
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I love insults, devastating takedowns, things that could be described by Twitter hacks as 'shots fired,' and funny ad hominem attacks.
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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It's funny because when I first met with Carmen, she said, "Have you ever thought about doing TV?" And I was like, "No, not really, but I'd audition for TV." And she said, "That's where the roles are for women now. That's where you can go and get a really great part."
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Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
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I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?
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He many not be hurt as much as he really is.
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I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
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I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
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People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
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After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
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My mom's passionate and energetic and very funny and enthusiastic.
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She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
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I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
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Looking back on the event, I find myself thinking there are three approaches to journalism represented here. One is the "cool" approach of traditional journalism, including network broadcasting in which NPR is no exception. One is the "hot" approach of talk radio, which has since expanded to TV sports networks and now Fox TV. The third is the engaged approach of weblogging.
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Football's football, if that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game that it is
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The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick.
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That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
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That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
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It's so funny whenever things come full circle.
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Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.
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As a model, we come in the room, and we are casted just on our looks. I think I'm funny; I think I'm clever. But in the end, they're picking me for my cheekbones or if I'm tall enough.
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Society is composed of two great classes, those that have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinners.
