Funny Quotes
-
Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
Seth MacFarlane
-
She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
Sarah Silverman
-
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
Steve Martin
-
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
Steve Martin
-
'Indiana Jones' wasn't physically tough, but they are the only two films I've ever been ill on. On 'The Last Crusade,' I got sciatica. That's when the sciatic nerve, which goes through the funny hole in your pelvis down your leg, swells and rubs against the nerves.
John Rhys-Davies
-
It's easy to be negatively funny about personalities in the media. It's just kind of a cheap laugh.
Stephen Malkmus
Pavement
-
You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, "Hey, how's that book?" "I haven't read it." "Oh, did you just buy it?" "I've had it since high school." "Well, can I borrow it?" "No."
Jim Gaffigan
-
It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
Charles Willeford
-
First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.
Michael Caine
-
Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation, so it's kind of exhilarating to be a part of projects where there's nothing funny or lighthearted.
Emma Stone
-
It's funny because when I first met with Carmen, she said, "Have you ever thought about doing TV?" And I was like, "No, not really, but I'd audition for TV." And she said, "That's where the roles are for women now. That's where you can go and get a really great part."
Eve Hewson
-
Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
Jerry Coleman
-
Private Perkins is a funny little codger.
George Henry Powell
-
The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.
Mo Williams
