Funny Quotes
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All imperfection is easier to tolerate if served up in small doses.
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If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.
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It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
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Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.
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Truth gets well if she is run over by a locomotive, while error dies of lockjaw if she scratches her finger.
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And it's very, very funny When you've lots and lots of money To be horrible to those with none! Be horrible to those with none!
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It's easy to be negatively funny about personalities in the media. It's just kind of a cheap laugh.
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I think people are surprised to learn that I'm pretty goofy and pretty funny.
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I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.
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At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."
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To think of Tolstoy eating a sandwich is intrinsically kind of funny.
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A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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I love to make things. If I have some free time and you have a dollar and a dream and you are making something funny and cool I'd love to be a part of it.
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It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
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It's lap 26 of 58, which unless I'm very much mistaken is half way.
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The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.
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Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.
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Of all the things that make up what was home It’s funny how they make me feel alone
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We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
