Funny Quotes
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Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
Russell Baker -
He many not be hurt as much as he really is.
Jerry Coleman
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
Jerry Coleman -
Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
Jerry Coleman -
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
Sarah Silverman -
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.
Mindy Kaling -
That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
Jerry Coleman -
I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.
Richard Pryor
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I love to make things. If I have some free time and you have a dollar and a dream and you are making something funny and cool I'd love to be a part of it.
Daniel Franzese -
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
Erma Bombeck -
It's easy to be negatively funny about personalities in the media. It's just kind of a cheap laugh.
Stephen Malkmus Pavement -
Sam writes in her funny, fascinating memoir, Not By Accident.
Ben Sherwood -
I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
Norm MacDonald -
There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.
Evan Osnos
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper -
Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
Jerry Coleman -
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper -
My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
Morey Amsterdam -
A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it.
Tony Scott -
The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
Chic Murray
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Now, I've gotten to the point in my career, I'm 13 years in, to where I know that I'm funny. I know that I'm good at this.
Brad Williams -
It's funny because when I first met with Carmen, she said, "Have you ever thought about doing TV?" And I was like, "No, not really, but I'd audition for TV." And she said, "That's where the roles are for women now. That's where you can go and get a really great part."
Eve Hewson -
Physically I'm not as strong as I was, but I try to make up for it mentally. It's a big challenge, and I relish it, competing with guys half my age.
Karch Kiraly -
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell