Funny Quotes
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.
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Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
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The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.
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To think of Tolstoy eating a sandwich is intrinsically kind of funny.
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The funny thing is that the fashions from the '90s seem to sit so well with the fashions of 2016. Everything from then somehow skipped and came back.
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It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
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And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
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Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
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They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.
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I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.
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I love Nicole Holofcener and Lynn Shelton, both for the same reasons: their films are funny without being forced, intimate and real while also being hugely entertaining.
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Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it.
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Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.
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As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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Even though I didn't get a business degree, I enjoyed learning about economics.
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A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.
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I don’t really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric... I’m not operating on somebody’s brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it’s all funny.
