Funny Quotes
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It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
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Even though I didn't get a business degree, I enjoyed learning about economics.
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To think of Tolstoy eating a sandwich is intrinsically kind of funny.
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I love insults, devastating takedowns, things that could be described by Twitter hacks as 'shots fired,' and funny ad hominem attacks.
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My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny.
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As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
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They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.
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It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day.
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You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie.
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
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Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices.
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Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
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They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.
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I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
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We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.
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Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.
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A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
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For me, I've worked hard for people to think I'm funny.
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And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.
