Funny Quotes
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I think people are surprised to learn that I'm pretty goofy and pretty funny.
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It's funny to be a critic.
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And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
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Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
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All imperfection is easier to tolerate if served up in small doses.
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It's lap 26 of 58, which unless I'm very much mistaken is half way.
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I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny
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It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
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Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
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For me, I've worked hard for people to think I'm funny.
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Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it.
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I love Nicole Holofcener and Lynn Shelton, both for the same reasons: their films are funny without being forced, intimate and real while also being hugely entertaining.
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Of all the things that make up what was home It’s funny how they make me feel alone
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See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them.
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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What was the name of that dog on "Rin Tin Tin"?
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
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It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day.
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
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I do quite like sightseeing. I like churches, museums, galleries and all that stuff. I love the smell of a church in Italy or the smell of an old greasy spoon somewhere. I like markets and little funny shops in the backstreets of Florence.
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Society is composed of two great classes, those that have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinners.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
