Funny Quotes
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I am who I am and I say what I think. I'm not putting a face on for the record.
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I write the songs first and in most cases teach myself the technique second.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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I've been a part of this before, where you think the racing gods are against you, then next thing you know, you can't do anything wrong. You're winning races and doing things you feel like you shouldn't have done that particular day. It all comes full circle in this sport. It has a funny way of doing it.
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Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.
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A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
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People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
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As a model, we come in the room, and we are casted just on our looks. I think I'm funny; I think I'm clever. But in the end, they're picking me for my cheekbones or if I'm tall enough.
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She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
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When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.
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These walls are funny. First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
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A child smacking an adult across the face is not funny. It is, in fact, one of the last things society should tolerate.
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I think absurdist humor is funny...
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
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There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.
