Funny Quotes
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Learn from the masters, learn from your contemporaries. Always try to update yourself.
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A good part's a good part. You can play serious and funny moments with a well-written role.
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She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.
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See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them.
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I think our Batman had to be fun, light-hearted, funny, tongue-in-cheek... and I think that made kind of an homage to those earlier comic books, where Batman always had a quip or something.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
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Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
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Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
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Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation.
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My parents never put a lot of pressure on us to be any kind of way.... I have my funny moments where I look at myself and think, Oh, this is a disaster. But you have to give yourself a reality check and go, All right, if I feel this way, I'm going to do something about it that's healthy. I can't look at somebody who is 6 feet tall and 120 pounds and say, I'm going to get that body. That's just never going to happen. You have to work with what you've got.
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The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.
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I've been a part of this before, where you think the racing gods are against you, then next thing you know, you can't do anything wrong. You're winning races and doing things you feel like you shouldn't have done that particular day. It all comes full circle in this sport. It has a funny way of doing it.
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It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.
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Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.
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Why would you clone people when you can go to bed with them and make a baby? C'mon, it's stupid.
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Society is composed of two great classes, those that have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinners.
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For me, I've worked hard for people to think I'm funny.
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Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
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I don't hate women - they just sometimes make me mad.
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Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.
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A child smacking an adult across the face is not funny. It is, in fact, one of the last things society should tolerate.
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People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."
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I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.
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Sam writes in her funny, fascinating memoir, Not By Accident.
