Funny Quotes
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You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.
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My parents never put a lot of pressure on us to be any kind of way.... I have my funny moments where I look at myself and think, Oh, this is a disaster. But you have to give yourself a reality check and go, All right, if I feel this way, I'm going to do something about it that's healthy. I can't look at somebody who is 6 feet tall and 120 pounds and say, I'm going to get that body. That's just never going to happen. You have to work with what you've got.
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It's great when improv is encouraged. It's a really fun thing. It depends on who's in the movie and how their process works as well. It takes a director who is open to that because you have a script, but then something funny could happen on set.
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After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
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As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
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My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
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Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
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I'm an educator. You do what you have to do to get what you are saying across, and if that means being funny, that's what I do.
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
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If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.
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I'm thankful for the talent in which God gave me and I'm thankful for the environment that he placed me.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.
