Funny Quotes
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Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
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She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
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Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.
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'Indiana Jones' wasn't physically tough, but they are the only two films I've ever been ill on. On 'The Last Crusade,' I got sciatica. That's when the sciatic nerve, which goes through the funny hole in your pelvis down your leg, swells and rubs against the nerves.
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
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To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.
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I love to make things. If I have some free time and you have a dollar and a dream and you are making something funny and cool I'd love to be a part of it.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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Sam writes in her funny, fascinating memoir, Not By Accident.
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Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
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In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
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We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
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I think absurdist humor is funny...
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If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.
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The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
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Learn from the masters, learn from your contemporaries. Always try to update yourself.
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Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always be humble.
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Comedy is a very personal thing, and some people will find it funny, some people wont.
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When I was a kid my father would read Neil Simon plays with me when I was going to bed, as bedtime stories. All of these old plays like The Odd Couple and Lost in Yonkers - funny but corny plays about Jewish New Yorkers in the mid-20th century.
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I've been a part of this before, where you think the racing gods are against you, then next thing you know, you can't do anything wrong. You're winning races and doing things you feel like you shouldn't have done that particular day. It all comes full circle in this sport. It has a funny way of doing it.
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I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
