Funny Quotes
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All imperfection is easier to tolerate if served up in small doses.
Wislawa Szymborska -
People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer, 'Well, he can be funny. But he is also very serious. He has insomnia and if we him up early, he would bawl the hell out of me'.
Arthur Marx
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My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!
Craig Shoemaker -
My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
Chic Murray -
It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
Jerry Coleman -
The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick.
Murray Walker -
And it's very, very funny When you've lots and lots of money To be horrible to those with none! Be horrible to those with none!
Anna Russell -
From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
Raymond Chandler
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A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
Texas Guinan -
Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"
Bill Burr -
Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny.
Ari Graynor -
Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.
Norman Douglas -
I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."
Chic Murray -
Maybe it has something to do with the pull of the moon because, despite the statistical improbability of any two people meeting up, it is inevitable that the tremulous are drawn to the languished, the sick to the broken, the forsaken to the sad, every pot has its cover, and the funny to the funny ones, too.
Binnie Kirshenbaum
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A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
Ernest Hemingway -
Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.
Jerry Coleman -
Even though I didn't get a business degree, I enjoyed learning about economics.
Herb Ritts -
She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
Chic Murray -
Football's football, if that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game that it is
Garth Crooks -
The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.
Tom Lehrer
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Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
Steve Martin -
Maybe because I began as a writer, I have a good ear for dialogue, and maybe being an English major - and that I also read a lot as a kid - if I hear somebody say something that I think's funny, or I find a situation or story, I'll try to work that into the movie.
Owen Wilson -
Let's make some funny pictures.
Frederick Bean -
Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.
Paul Neilan