Funny Quotes
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
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I think our Batman had to be fun, light-hearted, funny, tongue-in-cheek... and I think that made kind of an homage to those earlier comic books, where Batman always had a quip or something.
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I don't hate women - they just sometimes make me mad.
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Wikipedia is just an incredible thing. It is fact-encirclingly huge, and it is idiosyncratic, careful, messy, funny, shocking and full of simmering controversies - and it is free, and it is fast.
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I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.
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Comedy is a very personal thing, and some people will find it funny, some people wont.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.
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Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
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My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
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Somewhere deep down there's a decent man in me, he just can't be found.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
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It's a funny thing, by the way, how people who love free markets are also quite sure that they know that investors are being irrational.
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It's funny how God will change your plans for you when he's ready.
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Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
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Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
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The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing something better than they have ever done before.
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At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.
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The 1930s was a funny time. People knew they might not live for another six months, so if they were attracted to one another, there was no time to dawdle.
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It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
