Funny Quotes
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I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
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What was the name of that dog on "Rin Tin Tin"?
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I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.
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I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"
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You can never not feel like that, as a working artist these days. It's funny - time off makes me nervous, but so does time on. At least the pressure wasn't coming from outside.
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It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
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From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
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I don't think you can strategize to be poetic and neither can you strategize to be funny. It is not a tool, it is itself - it comes from the moment, from the character, from the background, from the streets.
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The 1930s was a funny time. People knew they might not live for another six months, so if they were attracted to one another, there was no time to dawdle.
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I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
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To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.
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Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee.
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She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
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Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
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Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.
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A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it.
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Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
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You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game.
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It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
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It's funny - there's nothing that stops you laughing like the sight of other people laughing about something else.
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I love Nicole Holofcener and Lynn Shelton, both for the same reasons: their films are funny without being forced, intimate and real while also being hugely entertaining.
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I do quite like sightseeing. I like churches, museums, galleries and all that stuff. I love the smell of a church in Italy or the smell of an old greasy spoon somewhere. I like markets and little funny shops in the backstreets of Florence.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
