Funny Quotes
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time.
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I write the songs first and in most cases teach myself the technique second.
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All imperfection is easier to tolerate if served up in small doses.
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Maybe because I began as a writer, I have a good ear for dialogue, and maybe being an English major - and that I also read a lot as a kid - if I hear somebody say something that I think's funny, or I find a situation or story, I'll try to work that into the movie.
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A child smacking an adult across the face is not funny. It is, in fact, one of the last things society should tolerate.
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Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.
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It's funny - there's nothing that stops you laughing like the sight of other people laughing about something else.
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."
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Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
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A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.
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Wikipedia is just an incredible thing. It is fact-encirclingly huge, and it is idiosyncratic, careful, messy, funny, shocking and full of simmering controversies - and it is free, and it is fast.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
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The show is definitely not just about weight-loss physically. It's more about finding yourself. It's really funny because I realized at one of our table reads that 'Huge' was really about the weight that we carry around mentally.
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing something better than they have ever done before.
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I'm thankful for the talent in which God gave me and I'm thankful for the environment that he placed me.
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There are many different ways of being funny. I'm not sure that there's so many different ways of being dramatic.
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The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside.
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It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny.
