Funny Quotes
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You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.
Abe Burrows
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Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.
Paul Neilan
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The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick.
Murray Walker
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Customers long to interact with - even relate to - employees who act like there is still a light on inside.
Chip R. Bell
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Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
Margaret Mahy
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You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."
Jim Gaffigan
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The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.
Jerry Coleman
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Edmonton is not the end of the world but you can certainly see it from there.
Mordecai Richler
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
Steve Martin
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
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Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who were funny, but I don't think I knew I was funny. I didn't really think about it.
Milana Vayntrub
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Paul R. Ehrlich
