Funny Quotes
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It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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They that go down to the sea in ships' see strange things, but what they tell is oft-times stranger still. A faculty for romancing is imparted by a seafaring life as readily and surely as a rolling gait and a weather-beaten countenance. A fine imagination is one of the gifts of the ocean-witness the surprising and unlimited power of expression and epithet possessed by the sailor. And a fine imagination will frequently manifest itself in other ways besides swear words.
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I adore the company of other writers because they are so often lively minds and, frequently, blazingly funny. And of course, we get each other in a unique way.
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Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial.
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The show is definitely not just about weight-loss physically. It's more about finding yourself. It's really funny because I realized at one of our table reads that 'Huge' was really about the weight that we carry around mentally.
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Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
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Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.
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Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as possible.
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Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.
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I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
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You know, I'm just a very boring, not very funny person in person. I don't feel pressured to be otherwise.
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You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
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You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.
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Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who were funny, but I don't think I knew I was funny. I didn't really think about it.
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I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
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Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God.
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My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
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It's so funny whenever things come full circle.
