Funny Quotes
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Steve Martin
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My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.
Kevin Hart
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A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.
Chic Murray
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Learn from the masters, learn from your contemporaries. Always try to update yourself.
James Stewart
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The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach.
Mark Hart
Crowded House
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I am the funny, crazy person.
Loni Love
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It's funny - there's nothing that stops you laughing like the sight of other people laughing about something else.
Michael Frayn
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I've always maintained that people that are funny and smart can do anything in film.
Jeff Baena
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What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? "Well, we ain't rich folk, but on special occasions, I'll break out the ketchup. Grandma's birthday, make her feel special"
Jim Gaffigan
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I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.
Chic Murray
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Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning.
Jerry Coleman
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My parents never put a lot of pressure on us to be any kind of way.... I have my funny moments where I look at myself and think, Oh, this is a disaster. But you have to give yourself a reality check and go, All right, if I feel this way, I'm going to do something about it that's healthy. I can't look at somebody who is 6 feet tall and 120 pounds and say, I'm going to get that body. That's just never going to happen. You have to work with what you've got.
Scarlett Johansson