Funny Quotes
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There are many different ways of being funny. I'm not sure that there's so many different ways of being dramatic.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist. So the Internet, it's just something I wanted to make use of in some way. I was fascinated by what appeared to be a child singing this song. It just struck me as funny.
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Customers long to interact with - even relate to - employees who act like there is still a light on inside.
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Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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People notice peacemakers because they dress funny. We know how the people who make war dress - in uniforms and medals, or in computers and clipboards, or in absoluteness, severity, greed, and cynicism. But the peacemaker is dressed in righteousness, justice, and faithfulness - dressed for the work that is to be done.
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I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
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My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny." Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic.
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Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.
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Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.
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They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
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We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
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If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."
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Oxford is a funny place, as it is a mixture of town and gown. You have the students at the main university and at Oxford Brookes, but there is also a big working-class community.
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Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
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Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly
