Funny Quotes
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A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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People notice peacemakers because they dress funny. We know how the people who make war dress - in uniforms and medals, or in computers and clipboards, or in absoluteness, severity, greed, and cynicism. But the peacemaker is dressed in righteousness, justice, and faithfulness - dressed for the work that is to be done.
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I'm no different than any other expendable player.
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It's funny how money change a situation.
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Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.
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I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.
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I felt how important the simplest things were, like feeling proud, finding something funny, stretching yourself, retreating into yourself.
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Fast pitch softball is just as dangerous as baseball. The ball is bigger so you can see it better, but the size also makes for a bigger space to move out of its way.
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Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
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There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.
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And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
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I have an inability to enjoy things, but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy, we wouldn't be funny, I guess.
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I think the first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny and I find a lot of the broad comedy which is sent to me, painfully unfunny.
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I'm still compulsively interested in women. It's funny, I've always compulsively photographed women. I still do.
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Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
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Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.
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You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
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I'm always fascinated by the dedicated monitors in a hospital. Non-standard cables, funny button shapes, odd LED colors, and lots of extra controls.
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Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny.
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I'm just a dog person. I love dogs very much, especially big ones, hounds, and retrievers. I think they are funny and often have good senses of humor. Plus, they give unconditional love.
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Being gay has never been a big deal to me, which is why it's a little funny to be getting all this attention about it.
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'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
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I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!
