Funny Quotes
-
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
William Gibson
-
I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
Jeff Zucker -
It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.
Steven Michael Quezadaun -
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Sarah Silverman -
If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A good part's a good part. You can play serious and funny moments with a well-written role.
John Krasinski -
Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary.
Ari Graynor
-
Every man plays the fool once in his live, but to marry is playing the fool all one's life long.
William Congreve -
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
Carol Leifer -
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
Jim Gaffigan -
Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul.
William Archibald Spooner -
Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.
Carol Grace -
And regardless of the fact that in this country, certainly in the arts, we treat comedy as a second-class citizen, I've never thought of it that way. I've always thought it to be important. The last time I looked, the Greeks were holding up two masks. I've always thought of it not only as having equal value, but as the craft of it, being funny.
Jeff Daniels
-
I don't really find things funny unless they're deeply tragic at the same time. I think if you're funny just for the sake of being funny, it's just frivolous nonsense. To me, all the best comic plays have been written about really serious and rather bleak things.
Lee Hall -
The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
Russell Baker -
Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
Murray Walker -
I come from a background of hanging out with friends and shooting videos with them, with funny stuff coming out of the group. I guess we got the same charge jocks get out of sports.
Michael Patrick Jann -
He can be lethal death.
Jerry Coleman -
Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.
P. J. O'Rourke
-
My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny.
Leslie Jones -
There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.
Jerry Coleman -
Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.
Jerry Coleman -
I prefer to tell stories. If it's funny, then I want to do it on stage.
Retta