Funny Quotes
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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
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My daughters are both funny and smart and lots of fun. They play lacrosse, soccer, musical instruments, like to cook with me, and are naturals in the swimming pool. Honestly, though, what I like doing most with them is eating. I've worked really hard to make sure they are willing to try all sorts of different foods.
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If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
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There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
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Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life.
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I don't think Aaron Sorkin can write a character who isn't really funny.
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We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
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There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'
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There have been funny sequels, but I don't know if there have been that many that feel like they're - you know - they're just as great a movie to watch, just as fun an experience but different.
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I think egg boiling is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can make a tiramisu anytime you want.
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It's not like every male comic you meet is funny. Like, a lot of them are not funny.
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Customers long to interact with - even relate to - employees who act like there is still a light on inside.
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And regardless of the fact that in this country, certainly in the arts, we treat comedy as a second-class citizen, I've never thought of it that way. I've always thought it to be important. The last time I looked, the Greeks were holding up two masks. I've always thought of it not only as having equal value, but as the craft of it, being funny.
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National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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As funny as some photos can be, think twice about allowing yourself to be tagged in questionable photos.
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Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.
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I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
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You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
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We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!
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It is kind of funny that the people who don't think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.
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I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
