Funny Quotes
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What a great hitch to pit!
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The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.
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I think egg boiling is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can make a tiramisu anytime you want.
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Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.
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I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
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I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.
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You need to be silly to be funny.
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This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.
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A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.
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Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
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I can't imagine actually singing on this show like I did on 'Felicity', but it would be kind of funny.
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."
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The great thing about being a comedian is that it kind of doesn't matter how you look. It's actually a disadvantage to be too good-looking. There's a Darwinian advantage to being funny. If you're a good-looking fella, you can't be bothered to make up jokes.
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Yeah, every bullpen they want to know how I'm doing, so that's funny. Once I'm on the mound I don't notice it, but it is funny. It's nice, and flattering.
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I'm a prankster, so some of the - you know, I like a good joke. I think when it's funny, it's funny.
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I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
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I write the songs first and in most cases teach myself the technique second.
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A child smacking an adult across the face is not funny. It is, in fact, one of the last things society should tolerate.
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I hit Ali with everything and he said 'is that all you got' and I said 'yeah, that's pretty much it.'
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Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
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I’ve long advised that bloggers seeking to make money from blogging spread their interests across multiple revenue streams so as not to put all their eggs in one basket.
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Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.
