Funny Quotes
-
I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
-
There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
-
Sometimes you just gotta let sh-t go and say 'to hell with it' and move on.
-
People are always surprised that I have a funny side because I'm usually so intense, strong and dramatic. But, I'd love to do something really, really silly and funny.
-
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
-
There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
-
Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
-
I do keep getting these bad girl roles. The funny thing is that, honestly, I don't think I'm believable as these aristocratic mean girls. But I do love playing them.
-
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
-
You need to be silly to be funny.
-
Thats not a place where I'm considered good-looking.
-
Sukhvinder wished that she could be more like Krystal: funny and tough; impossible to intimidate; always coming out fighting.
-
As funny as some photos can be, think twice about allowing yourself to be tagged in questionable photos.
-
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
-
A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.
-
This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.
-
I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
-
You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.
-
Rally points scoring is twenty for the fastest, eighteen for the second fastest, right down to six points for the slowest fastest.
-
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
-
There have been funny sequels, but I don't know if there have been that many that feel like they're - you know - they're just as great a movie to watch, just as fun an experience but different.
-
Unfortunately, my system for tracking down funny female writers isn't methodical. It's mainly based on word-of-mouth, which can cast a limited net.
-
My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
-
Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
