Funny Quotes
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And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
Sarah Silverman -
Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.
Jerry Coleman
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A child smacking an adult across the face is not funny. It is, in fact, one of the last things society should tolerate.
Dennis Prager -
You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Jim Gaffigan -
The funny thing about advertising is that it's not a zero-sum game... Historically, in the digital ad world, pie has gotten larger and it's possible for everyone to win, and it's perfectly possible that will continue to be true for quite some time.
Eric Schmidt -
I think the first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny and I find a lot of the broad comedy which is sent to me, painfully unfunny.
Nigel Cole -
Fast pitch softball is just as dangerous as baseball. The ball is bigger so you can see it better, but the size also makes for a bigger space to move out of its way.
Sara Gilbert -
He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
Colin Quinn
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I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.
Kevin Hart -
It's funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin, I am that pale!
Kelly Osbourne -
It's so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can't believe how insufferably boring it is. Waiting around and doing these lines over and over and finally having to go in and loop the lines and dub them.
Al Pacino -
You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."
Jim Gaffigan -
The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.
Jerry Coleman -
I like girls. they make me feel funny. that's why i like daniel, cause he's a femme, and he makes me feel funny.
Ben Gillies Silverchair
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Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
Patrick Henry -
Every man plays the fool once in his live, but to marry is playing the fool all one's life long.
William Congreve -
Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time.
Denis Leary -
A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.
Stanley Baldwin -
Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.
Bill Vaughan -
It's funny how God will change your plans for you when he's ready.
Brett Young
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Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life.
Vita Sackville-West -
I am very uncomfortable being romantic. I can be funny; I can be all over the place. I can be anything but romantic.
Amruta Khanvilkar -
When you lose your hands, you can't play baseball.
Jerry Coleman -
We should not laugh at the person who becoming caught up in his prayer bends his body or moves about in strange ways. Perhaps he moves in this manner to wave off unwelcome thoughts that would interrupt the prayer. Would we find it funny if we saw a person drowning going through strange motions doing whatever was necessary to save his life?
Israel ben Eliezer