Funny Quotes
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Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
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Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."
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Every man plays the fool once in his live, but to marry is playing the fool all one's life long.
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Oxford is a funny place, as it is a mixture of town and gown. You have the students at the main university and at Oxford Brookes, but there is also a big working-class community.
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It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
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You need to be silly to be funny.
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If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another.
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I adore the company of other writers because they are so often lively minds and, frequently, blazingly funny. And of course, we get each other in a unique way.
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There's something innately funny and warm about being Jewish. I think it's something to be embraced and respected.
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The day was warm and clear. Kids were playing soccer in the parking lots and women were sunning their babies and having their tea all over the lawns. The scene was entirely too cheery for journalism.
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Sometimes you just gotta let sh-t go and say 'to hell with it' and move on.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
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I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
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Maybe it has something to do with the pull of the moon because, despite the statistical improbability of any two people meeting up, it is inevitable that the tremulous are drawn to the languished, the sick to the broken, the forsaken to the sad, every pot has its cover, and the funny to the funny ones, too.
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My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
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I do like dating cynics - they tend to be incredibly funny.
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It's more difficult getting up early in the morning when you're wearing silk pajamas.
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He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
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Wikipedia is just an incredible thing. It is fact-encirclingly huge, and it is idiosyncratic, careful, messy, funny, shocking and full of simmering controversies - and it is free, and it is fast.
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All I can do is keep my nose down and shoot the scene, shoot the scene, make it funny, make it funny, make it funny.
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Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
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When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!
