Funny Quotes
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Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.
Jerry Coleman
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He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.
William Shakespeare
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Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
Jerry Coleman
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Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
Johnny Vegas
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My favorite television show has changed throughout the years. I used to think 'Married... With Children' was really funny. But now that I've gotten older, it's 'The Golden Girls,' believe it or not. That shows kills me.
Blake Shelton
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Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Sarah Silverman
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People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
Russell Baker
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I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously.
Cardi B
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You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.
Colin Quinn
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There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.
Nick Thune
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Jim Gaffigan
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I like to rap about things that are funny but mostly things that are relatable. I remember there was this one song with Ja Rule, and I forgot, exactly, but it was with Ashanti, and there's a line in it that was like, 'She hit me up on AIM.' But that wasn't the actual line; it was something else, but I was like, 'Oh my God, he uses AIM!'
Nora Lum
