Funny Quotes
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I thought I was funny as a kid. I used to play tricks on my brothers - I'd tie a two-shilling piece to a bit of cotton, then pull it away as they went to grab it.
Jo Brand -
It's fun to do something funny and have the director laughing. It makes you feel good.
Jon Lovitz
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And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.
Sarah Silverman -
It's more difficult getting up early in the morning when you're wearing silk pajamas.
Eddie Arcaro -
I personally do not find puke funny. I find it disgusting.
Lucy Punch -
Unfortunately, my system for tracking down funny female writers isn't methodical. It's mainly based on word-of-mouth, which can cast a limited net.
Nell Scovell -
It started off with flu-like symptoms and pain; then, I started feeling really funny. In two weeks, I was paralyzed from the waist down, and it spiraled down from there. Every ability I had was slowly slipping away.
Victoria Arlen -
There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me.
Margot Robbie
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We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!
Jerry Coleman -
He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
Colin Quinn -
Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
William Shakespeare -
I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously.
Cardi B -
When I was a kid my father would read Neil Simon plays with me when I was going to bed, as bedtime stories. All of these old plays like The Odd Couple and Lost in Yonkers - funny but corny plays about Jewish New Yorkers in the mid-20th century.
Zach Woods -
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Myers
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I've always wanted to work with children, to help people, and to be funny.
Kym Whitley -
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
Chris Rock -
I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid.
Will Forte -
Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
Jerry Coleman -
You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Jim Gaffigan -
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
Mickey Rooney
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People notice peacemakers because they dress funny. We know how the people who make war dress - in uniforms and medals, or in computers and clipboards, or in absoluteness, severity, greed, and cynicism. But the peacemaker is dressed in righteousness, justice, and faithfulness - dressed for the work that is to be done.
Walter Brueggemann -
Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
Jim Gaffigan -
I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?
Marshall Bruce Mathers III Bad Meets Evil' -
It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
Jim Gaffigan