Colin Quinn Quotes
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You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
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Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.
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When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers.
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Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
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It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.
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Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.
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I always wanted to write as much as perform.
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The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.
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I was a class clown.
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I like guy stuff.
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You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
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The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.
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I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.
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My name has zero value.
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I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.
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People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.
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My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.
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The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.
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Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.
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I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.
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I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.
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Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.
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I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.
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I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.