Funny Quotes
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There's been a lot of coming home in the early mornings after funny nights out, having bizarre sandwiches in bed.
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A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.
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I worked with Tyler before on 'Daddy's Little Girls'. He couldn't be smarter or more laid back and cool. He's always throwing out lines and is funny as hell. And he was shining his light on 'Peeples', too, lending his name to showcase Tina as a first-time director, and me as a first-time lead.
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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
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I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.
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National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.
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If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
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It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.
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For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.
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I tried to go to community college for a while, and it's a funny story. I walked into the English class on the first day, and they told us to write about what we did over the summer. I can't remember exactly, but I think I walked out exactly at that point and went to the office to ask for my money back.
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The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.
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Actually, the funny thing is, after all these years, I've got all these new songs to learn for the show we're doing at Joe's Pub, so it's kind of fun to get down and rehearse new things, and also rethink some of the older songs, how we're going to do them.
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Kind of the exhausting thing about doing pure comedy, or something that's broader, is you're kind of a slave to the laugh. If it's not funny, then there's not much point in doing it. The kind of ueber-objective is to make people laugh. You always have to have that in the back of your mind, 'Eh, I've got to figure out a way to make this funny.'
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With any of the movies I've had a chance to do, or any of the TV shows I've had a chance to contribute to, people approach me and say, 'Hey, would you like to do this?' I laugh out loud and say, 'Yes, that'd be funny.' Or, I'm very moved by what I read and say, 'Yes. How can I help you?'
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My mom always told me, 'You're very smart; you're very funny.' She never told me, 'You're very beautiful.'
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Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
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We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
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It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all.
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If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
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Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports... all the others are games.
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I only have three scenes and each is a turn and she gets progressively drunker. It's all terribly funny and its main challenge is that it's so far away from what I usually do.
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Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?
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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."
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I hit Ali with everything and he said 'is that all you got' and I said 'yeah, that's pretty much it.'
