Funny Quotes
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I had gone to New York with no plan at all. I did a lot of jobs - barman, teacher, security guard, postman and construction worker - and I was meeting many eccentric characters, and they were saying funny things, which I always wrote down.
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'Playing House' works because we're being supremely honest to what we think is funny and not what we think other people think is funny.
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When you do stuff as a comedian, Hollywood sees you as a comedian and so most of the calls I get are for a funny movie or something like that.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
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You're damn right I do. I'm in Madison Square Garden getting the s*** knocked out of me
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It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that. I don't want to be that.
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I tried to go to community college for a while, and it's a funny story. I walked into the English class on the first day, and they told us to write about what we did over the summer. I can't remember exactly, but I think I walked out exactly at that point and went to the office to ask for my money back.
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Right now I'm pretty single... My career is my boyfriend.
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His parties have room for all. Come on in. Nobody to look at you funny in here. Nobody to tell you not to have that drink, kiss that fella, smash that chair, light that chandelier on fire. Do it all. Do it all forever.
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There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'
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A good scare is worth more than good advice.
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I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere.
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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly
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I actually feel like, for a lot of my career, I wasn't able to show my comedic range. I did a lot of dramas and dramedies. I was on 'E.R.' That's not generally thought of as a funny show.
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
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It's funny how money change a situation.
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His herding instinct is so strong that he confuses tractors on a baseball field for sheep. He was hospitalized twice. Once by a line drive and once for attacking a tractor tread.
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The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
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It's funny how God will change your plans for you when he's ready.
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It's funny, because 'Arrested Development' is tied to Andy Richter in a few different ways. For me personally, after I did Andy Richter, one of the next things I did was a show called 'Quintuplets' for a season for Fox, and this was while 'Arrested Development' was on. I used to go over and hang out on their set.
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Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
