Funny Quotes
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I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues.
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I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"
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My favorite television show has changed throughout the years. I used to think 'Married... With Children' was really funny. But now that I've gotten older, it's 'The Golden Girls,' believe it or not. That shows kills me.
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What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? "Well, we ain't rich folk, but on special occasions, I'll break out the ketchup. Grandma's birthday, make her feel special"
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That home run ties it up, 1-0.
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I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.
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You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
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I only have three scenes and each is a turn and she gets progressively drunker. It's all terribly funny and its main challenge is that it's so far away from what I usually do.
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It'll leave you feeling hollow and helpless, and there is where you'll stay. Ain't it funny child, love sometimes leaves you as dead as yesterday.
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The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
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We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny.
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It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny.
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Thats not a place where I'm considered good-looking.
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Jenson Button is in the top ten, in eleventh position.
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Funny, how once you touched off a memory, it was like pulling out a stitch—all the others kept unraveling.
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The face of "evil" is always the face of total need. A dope fiend is a man in total need of dope. Beyond a certain frequency need knows absolutely no limit or control. In the words of total need: "Wouldn't you?" Yes you would. You would lie, cheat, inform on your friends, steal, do anything to satisfy total need. Because you would be in a state of total sickness, total possession, and not in a position to act in any other way. Dope fiends are sick people who cannot act other than they do. A rabid dog cannot choose but bite.
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I used to stutter really badly. Everybody thinks it's funny. And it's not funny. It's not.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.
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There have been funny sequels, but I don't know if there have been that many that feel like they're - you know - they're just as great a movie to watch, just as fun an experience but different.
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Sometimes he hated that voice in his brain, the one that slapped him upside the head anytime he got too stupid. Funny, it happened a lot with Sienna.
