Funny Quotes
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I love sprinting, but I hate long-distance running. Isn't that funny?
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I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, but my staff tells me I'm sometimes funny. Not always on purpose, though.
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The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.
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It's fun to do something funny and have the director laughing. It makes you feel good.
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Thats not a place where I'm considered good-looking.
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I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.
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It would be pretty funny to see a Beverly Hills white girl with mad rap skills.
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
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I'm not a quick wit. I'm only funny on paper. I mean, I'm not totally humorless! It's just that in person, I'm not quite the way I am on paper.
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Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life.
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
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I remember one guy saying, "You're the only human out of all of them," and feeling a little concerned that somehow that meant I wasn't as funny.
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When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."
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I did a character called Captain Q for Nestle's Quik. Those commercials were kind of funny.
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Charles Chaplin makes a million dollars a year out of a funny, shuffling walk and a pair of baggy trousers, because he does "something different." Take the hint and "individualize" yourself with some distinctive idea.
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A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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It's funny to be a critic.
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Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.
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This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.
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I don't think Aaron Sorkin can write a character who isn't really funny.
