Funny Quotes
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It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
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I think I gravitate towards people who express themselves in a simple and funny way.
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Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.
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In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
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If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another.
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Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.
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I want to be in 'Funny Girl.' And I want Ryan Murphy to direct it.
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That's the funny thing about arriving somewhere, Vin. Once you're there, the only thing you can really do is leave again
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I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
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I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation.
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It so coincided that Marcos had money. After the Bretton Woods agreement he started buying gold from Fort Knox. Three thousand tons, then 4,000 tons. I have documents for these: 7,000 tons. Marcos was so smart. He had it all. It's funny; America didn't understand him.
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We were a duo on tour, but it was his music and his songs. I was kind of his Vanna White/singing partner/torch-song singer. I was the straight man to his funny man.
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Unfortunately, my system for tracking down funny female writers isn't methodical. It's mainly based on word-of-mouth, which can cast a limited net.
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I'm still compulsively interested in women. It's funny, I've always compulsively photographed women. I still do.
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
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You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.
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'SNL' ain't been relevant since Jim Belushi. It's on every week; it's not funny. They need to find some black women to put on there to make it funny.
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No volleyball play can begin without a serve, and the serve is the only technique that is totally under your control. In other endeavors, you cannot succeed without believing in yourself, and that belief is completely under your control.
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Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
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If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
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If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial.
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I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
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It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
