Funny Quotes
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There's a difference between delivering real funny and just silly funny.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
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Everybody's funny in different ways.
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I don't know if people really care about my opinion on things or how I come up with things, and maybe that's an insecurity and why we're comedians in the first place, so I think with that you keep doing the material, you keep trying to be funny cause you think that's all you're wanted for.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, but my staff tells me I'm sometimes funny. Not always on purpose, though.
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You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.
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The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.
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Less judgment than wit is more sail than ballast.
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We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.
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The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less.
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Funny how a beautiful song could tell such a sad story
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If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
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Alesi is in second place, and Hill is in second place.
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
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I had the classic 40 meltdown, I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
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"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody
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A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
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I regret behaving badly when I was younger. I did not know any better at the time. The thing is that the incidents that I caused were not funny... Youth is wasted on the young. It is better to have the wisdom of an old man in a young body... I was a bit foolish and teased people, trying to be funny.
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For whatever reason, the films I gravitate towards do have these strange sort of tonal balances to them... I kind of realized on '50/ 50' why I liked these blending of tones, because I think it's kind of what life is like: funny one minute, sad the next, scary the next.
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Our characters were antiseptic but we weren't. And if you remember what we did on BATMAN, as the scripts were written very funny, we played them very straight.
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I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.
