Funny Quotes
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Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?
Jerry Coleman -
You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you." The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball." "Keep your arm straight." "You should get a vasectomy." If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"
Jim Gaffigan
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'SNL' ain't been relevant since Jim Belushi. It's on every week; it's not funny. They need to find some black women to put on there to make it funny.
Loni Love -
My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs.
Carol Bartz -
I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).
Dolly Parton -
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
Jim Gaffigan -
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
Don Rickles -
I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.
Jerry Coleman
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I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.
Kesha -
I'm the ultimate studier of comedy. I grew up in a very funny household. My dad is the king of one-liners; my brothers are great at telling stories, and my mom is funny without knowing it.
Susan Kelechi Watson -
I like idolator.com a lot. Every once in a while they shred me on there, but it's usually pretty funny.
Pete Wentz Fall Out Boy -
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.
Erma Bombeck -
I have a very short attention span, which is funny. I mean, you'd watch me and think that I don't, but I actually do.
David Lowery Camper Van Beethoven -
The funny part is I feel like somebody is stalking me, like, at my local course and sizing up my game.
Stephen Curry
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I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist. So the Internet, it's just something I wanted to make use of in some way. I was fascinated by what appeared to be a child singing this song. It just struck me as funny.
Jimmy Kimmel -
Every day after school for 10 years, I was on the set of 'Married... with Children,' which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up.
Meghan Markle -
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'
George Lopez -
You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
Ken Kesey -
A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Most people deal with grief in an awkward way, and that can be funny.
John Cho
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Yeah, every bullpen they want to know how I'm doing, so that's funny. Once I'm on the mound I don't notice it, but it is funny. It's nice, and flattering.
Cole Hamels -
For whatever reason, the films I gravitate towards do have these strange sort of tonal balances to them... I kind of realized on '50/ 50' why I liked these blending of tones, because I think it's kind of what life is like: funny one minute, sad the next, scary the next.
Jonathan Levine -
It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.
Jerry Coleman -
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
Joe Rogan