Bill Engvall Quotes
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A half a Vicodin and a Bahama Mama...makes for a bitchin' day!
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About magazines school children sell, which his wife buys without even looking at what she's buying.
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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
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Marital sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
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about trampolines
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Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)
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People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
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after watching a spitting cobra spit at Steve Irwin
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playing Pictionary with his wife and some friends
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about 'TV golfers' who try to help other people out
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Here's Your Sign (1996)
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while snow-skiing with his family
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Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
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about his son Travis
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I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.
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Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
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on holiday in Hawaii
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(Talking about what he wants at his funeral)
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I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.
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A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.
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watching a baseball game in Los Angeles
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Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
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I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
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Jeff Foxworthy is having his house repainted and he has a piano in the corner