Bill Engvall Quotes
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I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'
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Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
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about an incident in a coffee shop
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Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.
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I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
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I don't pick on people.
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I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
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Talking about the difference between the first and twentieth year of marriage Remember that first year of marriage, you used to argue just so you could make up and have sex? Twenty years later, you're arguing just so they'll sleep in the other room.
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My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'
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Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.
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I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be John Wayne.
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playing golf with his friends
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I don't believe there's any reason for a person like myself to own an AK-47.
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Ron White's son is going on a direct flight from Austin, Texas to Houston, Texas and is talking to the flight attendant.
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Tow truck is pulling Bill's car out of his driveway
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No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.
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I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.'
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on being condescended to by a flight attendant Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass...you just pushed my jackass button.
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Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.
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What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.
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The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'
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I've really got no complaints.
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As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.
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A Decade of Laughs (2004)