Bill Engvall Quotes
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Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.
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Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.
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I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
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My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'
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No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.
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Engvall: Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, 'Hey...' (pantomimes hitting his son) 'We don't hit'. He looked at me like, 'Here's your sign, Dad'.
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on being condescended to by a flight attendant Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass...you just pushed my jackass button.
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I don't believe there's any reason for a person like myself to own an AK-47.
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I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
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I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.'
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about an incident in a coffee shop
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Bill and Larry The Cable Guy walk by a stone that Bill's neighbor had had 1894, his address, carved into it.
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A Decade of Laughs (2004)
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I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
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Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
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Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.
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Tow truck is pulling Bill's car out of his driveway
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The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'
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As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.
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I don't pick on people.
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I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania.
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What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.
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taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica
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After Bill is exhausted at a baseball fantasy camp, walking crooked.