Bill Engvall Quotes
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I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.
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while snow-skiing with his family
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I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
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If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.
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Europe has such an expansive history.
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I've never said I was the best dancer, and I never said I was a good dancer.
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I eat fish, chicken, vegetables and other healthier foods. I do love a great steak.
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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.' Number two: 'We have medication for this.' And number three: 'It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school.'
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To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice.
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(mimicking a fish's gills wither side of his neck) 'Hey...' (cracks) You paid to see it... 'hey... Ever eaten a worm?' (2nd fish) 'What? When did you ever eat a worm?' 'Oh, one day, me and my buddy were laying on the bank... trying to catch our breath...' - thank you, for those of you who got that...
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about his daughter Emily, who scored 1390 on her SATs
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America loves to watch people growing and getting better.
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If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.
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There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.
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My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.
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Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called 'Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper.' Just how 'rapidly' are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play 'Beat the Clock' in the thicket.
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Now That's Awesome (2000)
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There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing somebody for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.
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You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say 'My bad!'.
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Bill and his brother-in-law had shot a deer and drove it in to get processed. At a rest stop, a woman stops at the truck
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after drunkenly getting his ear pierced
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My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties. Welcome to my world.
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Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)
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about how people in the 90's used 'awesome' wrongly