Scott Adams Quotes
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There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
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Remember, freedom is always taken, never given.
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The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.
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The best things in life are silly.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
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I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
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You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
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There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
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Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.
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I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
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As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.
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The day you realize that your efforts and rewards are not related, it really frees up your calendar.
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It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.
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E-books are impervious to analogy.
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If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?
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Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
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As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
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I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you women. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
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Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night.
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Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.