Scott Adams Quotes
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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Technology: No Place for Wimps!
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The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
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If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment.
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I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
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To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
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A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.
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Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
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Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.