Scott Adams Quotes
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
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Technology: No Place for Wimps!
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
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Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
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The only risk of failure is promotion.
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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.
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The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.
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Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
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As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
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I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.