Scott Adams Quotes
-
When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.
-
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
-
Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. TV remote control Click.
-
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
-
If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
-
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
-
In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
-
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-
On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.
-
Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.
-
He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
-
Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
-
The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
-
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
-
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
-
In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
-
A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
-
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
-
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
-
The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there and other people don't. That's why the only solution to terrorism is for religious scholars to hold a global summit to agree on the definition of "holy place." Once they agree on a definition, it will be easier to mock it into submission.
-
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
-
One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there's something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer.
-
Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.
-
The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.