Scott Adams Quotes
-
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
-
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
-
The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
-
Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. TV remote control Click.
-
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
-
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
-
Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
-
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
-
In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
-
The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
-
If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.
-
A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
-
Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
-
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
-
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
-
Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
-
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
-
Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
-
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
-
A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
-
Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
-
You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
-
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-
I try to avoid giving advice.