Scott Adams Quotes
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As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
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You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
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If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
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You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
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A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.