Scott Adams Quotes
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
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You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.
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Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.