Scott Adams Quotes
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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
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The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.
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If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
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Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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Home is pretty utopian.