Scott Adams Quotes
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The only risk of failure is promotion.
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I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.
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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.