Scott Adams Quotes
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The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. This is why people of different religions can generally live in peace. At some level, we all suspect that other people don't believe their own religion any more than we believe ours.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
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The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.