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As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
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The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
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Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
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A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
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The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
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Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
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In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
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The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
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If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. TV remote control Click.