Scott Adams Quotes
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
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The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.
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The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
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Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
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Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
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Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
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He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
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I try to avoid giving advice.
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The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future.
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Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
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I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.