Scott Adams Quotes
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Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
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The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. This is why people of different religions can generally live in peace. At some level, we all suspect that other people don't believe their own religion any more than we believe ours.
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Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
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What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes. The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
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Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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I try to avoid giving advice.
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The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
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The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
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One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
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The only risk of failure is promotion.
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I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.