Scott Adams Quotes
-
There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
-
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
-
As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
-
A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
-
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
-
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed – out skull for a spittoon.
-
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
-
He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
-
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
-
If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.
-
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
-
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
-
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
-
The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.
-
In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
-
The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
-
There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.
-
Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
-
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
-
If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
-
The children are our future. And that is why, ultimately, we're screwed unless we do something about it. If you haven't noticed, the children who are our future are good-looking, but they aren't all that bright. As dense as they might be, they will eventually notice that adults have spent all the money, spread disease, and turned the planet into a smoky, filthy ball of death. We're raising an entire generation of dumb, pissed-off kids who know where the handguns are kept. This is not a good recipe for a happy future.
-
The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
-
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
-
Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. TV remote control Click.