Scott Adams Quotes
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I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.
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To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
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Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.
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Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
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What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes. The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave.
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One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
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I try to avoid giving advice.
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The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
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The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
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Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.