Scott Adams Quotes
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
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If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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When did ignorance become a point of view?
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
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Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."
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Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.
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Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.
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If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene? Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.
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There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.
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Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
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People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
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I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'
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Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
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The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.
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My investments have been hurt.
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Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
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Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.