Scott Adams Quotes
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes. The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.
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Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.
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It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
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I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.
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Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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I get mail; therefore I am.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.