Scott Adams Quotes
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The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
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If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
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If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
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Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."
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The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.
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The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
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Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.
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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
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Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
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When did ignorance become a point of view?
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Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene? Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.
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It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
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Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
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Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
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In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
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There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.
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Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.
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Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.