Scott Adams Quotes
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
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If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
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Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks ... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.
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If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.
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I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
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Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
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Home is pretty utopian.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.